THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD: XMAS
THE BIRTH OF RATHER IMPRESSIVE KID
Christ was born in a manger, because apparently, every other room was taken. The innkeeper later noted that he might have made an error in judgement. Now, as we all know, Jesus was no ordinary child: he also attracted shepards. This is a good thing, because shepards had sheep. And sheep are always a good thing (Rule #134). And Shepards can fight off kangeroos
The Iranians, as always, where late, bearing gifts of myrh, frakenscence and gold... thus the Iranians began the commercialization of Christmas. Thanks alot guys. Thanks... alot...
THE KING OF MAUVE'S CHRISTMAS ADRESS
MY PEOPLE, I WISH YOU ALL A MERRY X-MAS
Now, a list of people that should be thanked
Lil'Persia, for being a kick-ass person
The girls downstars, Shron and the Cowgirl, for letting me hang out. You have no idea how cool you guys are.
For all my X-ian bros and siseseseses this x-mas eve. Keep up the xing
For WWoN, Keep doing whatever the hell your doing
The Family, you grillguy, sparky, mom and dad
FOR EVERYONE, HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS
History of the World Part 2: Romans on Ice
Meanwhile... in The Americas
Mesoamerican cultures build massive cities and extensive agriculture, develop states, armies, writing systems and culture, seek out and annex territory... Still no civilization... I mean, come on, that doesn't even look like a Pyramid, for frick sakes... And lets face it, the wheel... come on people, its not rocket science, its the wheel! Does Euroasia have to do everything?
But Little did they suspect... Isreal
Isreal was suffering from a plauge of prophets. They noted serious social problems in Isreal: the plight of widows and childern, the unfair treatment of foriegners, and currupt business practices. This was unamerican, therefore wrong. Often times these disgusting and reviled madmen where driven to the moutains. In retrospect, this only made things worse.
And China
Pretty much the Chinese just came into existance... They just arrived and set up cities... and its pretty much been the same since... and Confucious, he knows
Back to the Important part, aka, Europe
After driving the Iranians out of Greece, the Greeks done went and conqoured the Iranians. This proved to be a mistake. The Greeks should never control anything beyond their little rocks they call Greece. Immidiately after the death of their king, Al, the Greeks predictably began to fight amoungst themselves. Spliting the Empire up, they where quickly Conqoured by the Romans.
The Romans: Roman around the World
The Romans are noted for being the worlds first proffessional Imperialist. Outside of that, they where concerned primarily with building roads and marching in squares. It was a winning combination. Rather then wasting time inventing stuff, they prefected other peoples inventions; thus leading to Roman roads, Roman philosophy, Roman highways, Roman government, Roman paths, Roman hands, Roman side walks. They did however, invent the Emperor, which replaced the senate. The Senate was bad, because it proved to be unamerican. The Emperor ruled with a iron fist; this is a good thing. The Romans went on to conqour the known world, which wasn't very much. They proved unable to conqour the Iranians.... nobody understands why... but most are sure it invovles kangeroos... fricken kangeroos
KoM'S HISTORY OF THE WORLD
... fine, here, entertain yourselves with this...
IN THE BEGINING... MAN
As we all know, God made man out of dust... this sucked, so god made something better out of ribs... thats why KoM always eats dust in a rib eating competition with WWoN... she can back those things like an angry tazmanian devil... anyways...
These are the ancestors of the King of Mauve... well their the ancestors of every... except you WWoN... you heard me... but we all know who their favorite grand child is, lets not kid ourselves...
STEP TWO- INSERT CIVILIZATION
There are really four places where civilization occured... North America totally doesn't count... Niether does Australia, fricken kangeroos... those places are China, Egypt, India and MESOPOTAMIA... These people lived in virtual despotic paradises, living off the land and in houses, some of them even had plumbing... Then a group of cow hearding jerks invaded India and ruined everything... stupid Indo-Europeans... The Indo-Europeans then invaded every thing they could invade, all the way to Ireland... And then for good measure, they invaded everything all over again, except for Ireland (Invading Ireland by nessecity created the Irish, the most vile and upseting people the world knows)... and then they invaded everything again... stupid jerks, ruined everything... fricken kangeroos... Along the way some of the Indo-Europeans became tired, and stopped in present day Iran... thus giving Iran its ancient Indo-Iranian name, which translates to "I ran, but I could not keep up"... fricken Kangeroos...
THE SMOOTH SOUNDS OF THE CLASSICAL AGE
At some point the realization dawned upon the Indo-Europeans that if they kept invading westward, they would eventually hit the alantic and drowned. So they decided to take a break and build stuff. Thus Athens was founded by the famous chicken head eating tribe of Indo-Europeans, the Greeks. Athens was a democracy in which everyone who was an old third generation Athenian male was allowed to decide the fate of everyone else. This is one of the major influences of the American founding fathers, another bunch of old guys who decided the fate of everyone else... stupid Ben Franklin and his stupid kite... To the south, came Sparta, a bizzare militaristic sexually confused city state, who wasn't sure about how to feel about Athens; so the Spartans beat the ever living crap out of them. Sparta has also made a significant contribution to western society (militarism, women in short skirts, a spartan existance, men in short skirts, gay bars, and the famed spartan weapon, the Goat-Cannon). Then the Iranians invaded(or more accurately, they finally caught up); predictably, they where driven off, unused to the raw power of the Goat-Cannon and the raw sexual power of soliders in short skirts and politicians in bed sheets. Then the Athenians tried to build an empire, which the spartans destroyed, and then everything was destroyed by the Romans.
