THE MAUVE KINGDOM

KoM'S HISTORY OF THE WORLD

... fine, here, entertain yourselves with this...

IN THE BEGINING... MAN

As we all know, God made man out of dust... this sucked, so god made something better out of ribs... thats why KoM always eats dust in a rib eating competition with WWoN... she can back those things like an angry tazmanian devil... anyways...
These are the ancestors of the King of Mauve... well their the ancestors of every... except you WWoN... you heard me... but we all know who their favorite grand child is, lets not kid ourselves...

STEP TWO- INSERT CIVILIZATION

There are really four places where civilization occured... North America totally doesn't count... Niether does Australia, fricken kangeroos... those places are China, Egypt, India and MESOPOTAMIA... These people lived in virtual despotic paradises, living off the land and in houses, some of them even had plumbing... Then a group of cow hearding jerks invaded India and ruined everything... stupid Indo-Europeans... The Indo-Europeans then invaded every thing they could invade, all the way to Ireland... And then for good measure, they invaded everything all over again, except for Ireland (Invading Ireland by nessecity created the Irish, the most vile and upseting people the world knows)... and then they invaded everything again... stupid jerks, ruined everything... fricken kangeroos... Along the way some of the Indo-Europeans became tired, and stopped in present day Iran... thus giving Iran its ancient Indo-Iranian name, which translates to "I ran, but I could not keep up"... fricken Kangeroos...

THE SMOOTH SOUNDS OF THE CLASSICAL AGE

At some point the realization dawned upon the Indo-Europeans that if they kept invading westward, they would eventually hit the alantic and drowned. So they decided to take a break and build stuff. Thus Athens was founded by the famous chicken head eating tribe of Indo-Europeans, the Greeks. Athens was a democracy in which everyone who was an old third generation Athenian male was allowed to decide the fate of everyone else. This is one of the major influences of the American founding fathers, another bunch of old guys who decided the fate of everyone else... stupid Ben Franklin and his stupid kite... To the south, came Sparta, a bizzare militaristic sexually confused city state, who wasn't sure about how to feel about Athens; so the Spartans beat the ever living crap out of them. Sparta has also made a significant contribution to western society (militarism, women in short skirts, a spartan existance, men in short skirts, gay bars, and the famed spartan weapon, the Goat-Cannon). Then the Iranians invaded(or more accurately, they finally caught up); predictably, they where driven off, unused to the raw power of the Goat-Cannon and the raw sexual power of soliders in short skirts and politicians in bed sheets. Then the Athenians tried to build an empire, which the spartans destroyed, and then everything was destroyed by the Romans.

posted by King O' Mauve @ 10:17 PM