To those of you that take issue with my blog...
I hate to say this guys, but my life is not a series of cliff-hanging fist fights, mystery, fast car chases, and even faster women. Surprising, but true. And apparently, this has been getting some commplaints.
Complaint # 1:
Issue: Brian's blogs are too short
Response: I have not been put on earth to ammuse some of you (you know who you are)... geez... I don't get paid to write this thing after all... this is begining to sound familar... perhaps its time to expalin the Briantorials to those who don't know (See Below)
Complaint #2
Issue: Not enough conservative Social commentary
Response: I don't know why some of you, one of you, a fairly conservative redheaded dude I know, expect me to use my blog to fight the godless hoards of communists. And whats really annoying is that this complaint leads to...
Hypothetical Complaint #3
Issue: Not enough liberal social commentary
Response: Yeah, I know who you are, you thought it as soon as you read number 2... Listen you guys, my blog is not becoming some sort of mini-Viatnam for social justice. You want to fight the cold war, do it on your own blogs. I have my own wars to fight, like the one that invovles bacon and monkeys...
Complaint #4
Issue: Blog not cheerful enough, lacks energy, lacks happiness, depressing
Response: You are no longer allowed to read my blog, pick up your clown suit and go.
Complaint #5
Issue: Not enough Star Trek Related material
REsponse: I will work on it, but theirs very little place for Scotty in my kingdom.
Complaint #6
Issue: Writer is surly, needs an attitude adjustment, lives like a hermit
Response: I got people working on it. Several people are out to 'change me'. STay tuned for results. Maybe they'll just give up, like the Witch.
Complaint #7
Issue: Writer is too sexy, needs to decrease sexiness, mmmm, damn that king is hot
Response: I will try and turn down the heat, but what can I say, when you got it, flaunt it.
Thats it for now.
Oh right, Briantorials
What are the Briantorials, the Briantorials are the predessecor of this blog, I guess, where I took every day events in my friends lives, and made them into mythic adventures.
thats all, all complaints can be forwarded to my cheif of staff. Thank you, hold your questions till the next press conference.
Gone for the Weekend
Greetings. I am gone visiting relatives that I have never seen for the weekend. This is to assure those who might be concerned or enraged over me not being on msn; some of you might miss my witty banter; WWon of you will miss my poor attempts to entertain you all.
This trip will require me meeting new people; new people bother me. (KoM imagines response: WWoN 'snort', Hockey-Girl 'I don't understand why you don't just get a drink and go wild', Lil'Persia 'Hey! I was a new person', Sparky 'Grow up KoM', Grillguy 'I say nothing applicable to this blog')
Anywho, I guess thats another short entry. I'll be back sunday evening. Keep alive.
This ones for the Witch
Apparently, I have to make another posting. Apparently, WWoN is bored.
Lets take a minute, and reflect on this. The King is minding his own business, happily reading about aliens and fun stuff. WWoN swoops down, like an MSN hawk and demands he makes a new blog posting. Why did the King give in?
Rule Number One
Fighting with Woman is like fighting with the sea. You only end up getting stung by a jelly fish in the end.
So I decided to post a blog.
Sparky is in the okanagan, she is visiting friends... this is the biggest thing going on.
I have no home in the Okanagan, my roomates are selling the house, so I have a team working on finding me some place new.
I come back on the 18th of august, come back to the Okanagan that is.
And apparently, WWoN is very very bored.
Thats the news for now.
Oh, right, I have founded a secert society to rule the earth from behind th scenes, sort of like the freemasons or templars, but cooler, we have cheese. So far, I have two memebers... MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH, sooon I shall rule the WORLD!!!!!!
Next week: The King of Mauve explains Rule Two: Never let a dog eat twice its wait in Costco muffins.
Forth of July
"Your Majesty, your Canadian, why are you doing a post on the forth of july?"
"Because I want to."
Because, long ago, several middle class white anglo-saxon protestants got together in a room and said "No, we're not going to pay taxes for basic civil services and defense. We want a seat in a Parliament thousands of miles away, accross a ocean." And when the British refused these so-called utterly outragous demands, these men new they had the entire support of the colonies, or at least one third of the colonies, behind them. And indeed they where able to do so, and in their victory, they founded a nation based on freedom, a nation which if you where a middle class white anglo-saxon protestant and not a loyalist, you where free to fall and rise as you may. As for the loyalist, that foolish third, they moved to Canada and created Ontario... so to my American niehbors, I say thanks alot, eh, those hooser out in Ontario are crazy-go-nuts.
Canada Day
Many Years Ago, the founding fathers of Canada gathered together. They looked to the east and saw London. And yea, the French did say "Lo, behold, let us curse London, and raise the middle finger towards it." But the English did say "Lo, that is a bad idea, verily, the British shall bring forth their mighty ships and tea cups and make us pay for our transgression." And the English looked to the South, and saw Washington. And yea, they did say "Let us instead curse Washington, and throw rotton eggs at the palace of their mad King, and throw verily great tolite paper rolls over their trees." But it was said by the wise "Nay, for the Americans are quite disagreeable about such things. They tend to be grumpy and gassy, and they would release their raging hoards of drunken Irishmen upon our nation, as we have already seen." So they looked at each other, and decided "Lo, if their is none we can finger, and throw eggs and tolite paper at, let us finger and throw eggs and tolite paper at each other, and continually threaten to seperate over matters of langauge and polution. And let some of us live far away in the west, but the rest of us in the east. And let each province be radically and totally different from each other. And let the French select angry racists and nationalist as their leaders, and the east select bigots, and let the farest reaches of the west only select criminals as their leaders. Let the east coast be filled with people who speak english with such accents, they are hardly understandable, and let the west be filled with a mystical magical plant, that makes people very happy. And let the only thing that unites these people are their mutal loathing of each other, which is only out down by their fear and haterd of their southern neihbors, who are only vaugely aware of their existance anyways."
And yea, on that day, Canada was born. And it was ruled by a drunken womanizing Scot.
Happy Canada day.
