THE MAUVE KINGDOM

I need to get a couple things off my chest

2011-04-09T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hello All. I am back. Here are somethings I feel the need to express.

Suckerpunch:
How did this movie even get made? Now, I was raised on a solid diet of She-Ra, Transformers, and Catholic religion when I was a young man, so you would think a movie invovling warrior women fighting dragons and zombies with giant robots and swords would appeal to me. It was literally just not good. It had a plot that made Inception seem simplistic and dialouge that made Micheal Bay seem like a modern day Oscar Wilde. Anyways, if you want to see a mindless action flick, see Battle:LA. Compared to Suckerpunch, it is genius.

Books and the disapeance of "books"

Books are disapearing. Books will never disapear. But people keep saying that e-books are kill books. E-books are books. You know what we called scrolls two thousand years ago? Books. We called scrolls books. Then somebody came up with an invention call the Codex. It was a bunch of papers bound together. You could write on both sides of the page. You could search it easily. It was more efficent then the Scroll. So it replaced scrolls. We still had books. We just didn't have as many scrolls. What people are mourning is the Codex. and we will still have the Codex. We still have scrolls. We just will use e-readers more. Jeez, people get a grip. Just because we have a new technology doesn't mean society is going to collaspe.

The Tories

Holy jeez! What is with the tories lately. All their talk about coalitions. And that thing with the students being kicked out of one of their meetings cause of facebook pictures! What is going on with that Party? What ever happened to a thougtful reasoned compassionate conserativism. I know what some of you are thinking; "Oh young fool, there is not such thing as a toughtful reasonable conservative, it is a myth, like a unicorn." But I have seen the debates from the 60s and 70s. Thoughtful, reasonable. The tories talking about poverty and reasonably priced housing. Whatever happened to those Tories. Jee whiz.

Some Startling revelations

2010-01-08T09:48:00.000-08:00

So I haven't post in a while. So some quick updates. I moved out into Ottawa. Guess who my roomate is....

W...
W...
O...
N...

She is at this moment gots a green face mask of something on, and is reading a vampire novel called, I kid you not, "Ludcious Craving".

But that is old news.

Two new items. I have become an amatuer stand up comedian. I don't talk about you guys. Mainly just drunk people at the bar, my grandfather, and WWON (maybe Wicked Witch of the Right the Frack Here in my House? WWORFHH... worf?). I am sure I will mention Persian Princess, but only because I find Iran hilarious.

Other related item, I went to the BLUE COLLAR TOUR, with Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall and stupid Larry. Ron couldn't come. Apparently hes not allowed out of the states. Poor Tater. We miss your ramblings.

Now Jeff mentioned during the act that all of his routine came from his family. So in honour, I present to you a LIST that is entirely true and passed on my own family experiences.

You might be a Redneck if...

Your Parents had their wedding reception in a Barn...

your grandfather takes you on a two hour trip because the peaches where three cents cheeper...

your brother is convinced terrestial fowl (chickens, turkeys, quails and phesants) are out to "get him"...

you have had to chase a pig...

your father uses expersions such as "This should fit like shit through a goose" and "we don't want to crawling all over ourselves like a bunch of donkeys"....

your grandfather has French country-music, and yes, he has made you listen to it, and yes, there was an accordian...

you have developed a keen sense of smell when it comes to electrical fires...

you learnt to drive a tractor before you learnt to drive a car...

you have been told the words "I don't care what it smells like down there, you got to crawl in and catch those damn birds"...

Your father keeps a hunting dog in his garage...

thats all for now. I hopefully will keep updating. I make no promises.

New Styling

2009-02-18T16:23:00.001-08:00

You might notice I changed my blog up. I forgot to copy the code for the comment page, so you will have to suffer and use the one given to you by the good people from google. Sorry high priestess of puck, thats the way she goes.

I also have changed up my links a bit, a bit of cutting and adding. I put on a couple webcomics, post secerts, and a prayer site. Check it out, or dont. i really dont care. As long as you comment.

some of us seem to not understand something about KOM. The purpose of a Monarch is not to engage in petty partisan discourses, but to provide a balance guiding hand to his subjects. That in mind, I should point out that I did not so much want to point out why socialism is wrong, as to why Shron is wrong. Lets keep our priorities straight. I think capitalism is pretty much as bad as its cousin. Just so you know, I don`t take sides. I work for myself. I hope we can finally put the partisan sparing to rest, as I believe this all began when I said that partisan sparring is stupid and dumb.

so, just a shout out to the cowgirl, I added her blog to my links, and she is currently flipping crap in a furnace. Feel free to ask her about either. She totally dropped a hugh post on us after over a year of silence. I think it might be pushing two years.

Anything else. New look. New comment page. new links. Hating partisans. flipping crap. nope. I am off to make sure this comment page doesn`t totally block any of you non-google, non-blogging fools. you heard me

Peace and Long Life

I am only going to post this once, so pay attention...

2009-02-08T11:58:00.001-08:00

Listen folks, for those of you who wait pins and needles for a new blog, I got to break it to you, I tend to be rather lax in publishing. Perhaps I need to be more committed. But, like all males, I fear committment. Therefore, no metaphorical diamond rings in your future, with a giant rock and an inscription that reads "Posts ever thursday".
All I am saying is that I was born a rambling man. and sometimes I need to ramble on to the next blog.

Anywho, one issue I have to deal with. WHy is Jesus not a socialist; apparently, my word isn't enough for some of you. Don't worry, this adventure into semi-serious religious discussion will be quick. I will wipe the floor with this idea.

Seriously, did you ever hear about ancient labourers and craftsman talk about their profound alienation they feel from their work? Or bitch about dialectics? No! of course not, because in Jesus' time socialism didn't exist. And here's a shock, neither did capitalism. Do you know how I know this? Because Socialism says they didn't exist. It was still some pre-feudal nightmare that was waiting for the light that was feudalism to be brought to Europe with its heralds, smelly germans on horseback. No, we were so far from even capitalism as we know it that things we take for granted, like banks, and currency policy, and fiscal responsiblity, where hardly a gleam in the eye of Ceasar. No perhaps you might object. No, Kom, you might say, I mean the redistribution of goods. Because didn't Jesus tell that one rich dude to give all his money to the poor dudes. And didn't the aposotles all live in a hippi-ish commune; didn't god totally kill a dude and his wife for withholding stuff in the commune? And your right, all those things happen. But you might notice that Jesus didn't tell EVERYONE to give EVERYTHING away. Nor was the original community the aposoltes governed become the norm across the world. Jesus didn't make every rich dude who was his follower give up his money. Just that one dude who needed it. But perhaps, by socialist you do not mean someone who advocates a radical distribution of wealth, but somebody who cares for the poor, who calls for people to be nice to each other, and is generally, a nice dude. Now if this is the defination you use, then I am not worried. Because there have been lots of capitalists, feudal lords, and ancient emperors who have been pretty nice dudes. Finally, if i may, to suggest that Jesus is politically partisan suggests a rather petty god.

Whew, that took longer then I thought. But in case you feel upset, I should point out, that I don't think Jesus is a capitalist either.

Man, I totally blew this blog on Jesus. Well I hope he is happy. I better get extra brownies in heaven. Well thats alright.

WWoN(WWoS) has now moved to sask to take a new job, and currently does not have access to the internet, so she can't be bothered by it (WWoN(WWoS(WWoE?))). Cowgirl and Lil'Persia hardly read it. All that is really left is to face the wrath of Shron, and wait for Mr. Parliament to thank me for finally posting and explaning the Jesus thing. Oh, and my brother my read. Peace and Long life!

LISTS!!!!!

2008-11-15T14:07:00.000-08:00

I was reading some of my old posts, based on the theory that the only thing worth reading is stuff I wrote myself. And guess what, I was right! Any ways I noticed some things, like I use to have a whole lot more poetry. And Lists. But there is still a consistant amount of yelling.

It brings back the memories. With things changing, I thought you might appreciate, a List.

Lists I enjoy
-Top 10 Gregorian Chants
-100 Ways to Use Cheese
-1,347,569 Pratical Uses for Baking Soda
-he Mysterious List of Myster
-7 Reasons Jesus is not a Socialist
-10 Reasons Shron is always wrong... or 17, if you count the... you know
-The Impossilbe List of Pi Number of Reasons this List is Impossible
-The Necro-list-acron (Otherwise known as WWoN(WWoS?)'s shopping list; made out of human skin, if you read even the first few items, it will drive you made. example: item #23- Fat Free Yogurt that has does not obey the laws of Euclidean Geometry)
-A list of reasons that last list is just awesome

Anyways, in conclusion, I rock.

This is longer then usual, still no pictures

2008-11-09T14:48:00.000-08:00

WWoN, or maybe its more accurate now to call her WWoS, told me to write about the election.

And indeed it was a momentous election in Nunavet. Oh, wait, she meant the other one.

So we have a really screwed up view of democracy, I realized. And I am sure you have heard some version of this rant before. But we do. Let me tell you why. The people who shape Conservative and Liberal ideas, dont really believe in democracy. I know what your thinking "Well your half right, but when it comes to My Guys you out of the freaking ball park. My Guys represent truth and democracy and indeed, good. The other guys have sold their souls to socialism and or corporate interests. Indeed, that you might suggest there is some moral equality between what is obviously the angelic ideology I support and the satanic rite that is the otherside of the sense, sickens me. I hope you are eaten by those conservative and or liberal running dogs and or tax and spenders that you are so obviously supporting. Good day sir." And of course, you will probably keep on going. If I were to say things like "Barack Obama isnt a socialist" or "John Macain was not a carbon copy of Bush", you would probably throw up a little in your mouth.

Then you might be confused; How does supporting who is right mean I am not supporting democracy?

Well, think about what you thoughts about democracy when you guy looses? And what where your thoughts when your guys win? If your thoughts where 'today, Democracy has failed' and 'Today we finally have democracy', then you dont believe in Democracy. You believe in, you know, whatever you believe in, and democracy is a tool to get to whatever you believe in. And I am sure that if an Absolute dictator arose that agreed with you %100 about everything, you would feel pretty good about it. Finally, you might say, we have taken power away from those stupid jerks.

Heres a thought. Democracy hasnt failed if your guy doesnt win. You want to know when democracy actually failed, take a look at German history. Democracy has failed when the power to change government has been removed from the people.

Ah, you say, corperate-lobbyist-feminist interests have taken over government. The poeple, you say, are no longer really in charge. I am calling BS on that. The only reason Corperations and Lobbyist have influence on government, is because we, the electorate, tolerate it. Barack Obama isnt going to change a damn thing, unless the electorate changes. I have no problem with Political parties, politicians, and Liberals and Conservatives. What I have a problem with is the electorate. If the country sucks, its because of its voters; so yes, I am blaming you, all, for the problems of the world. Maybe Americans especially, but we have our own issues up here. And as charismatic as Barack Obama is, as historic an election it has been, I will be honest, I have my doubts. Its not that I think Obama isnt sincere, its that I think the people, the electorate, may not be. If we want change, we have to start with ourselves.

That was too much deepness. You know what, maybe we shouldnt have democracies. Being a King, I have always been more partial to Absolute Monarcies. We could make Barack Emperor of America, and William Shatner the King of Canada. Unless of course, you want me to take over. AND YE, I WOULD BE A TERRIBLE FORCE, THAT GIVETH THE CHEESE, AND TAKETH THE CHEESE AWAY.

That feels better. Blame WWoN(WWoS?)

ps: the Quebec election is coming up for all those people who just cant get enough of politics. Its so much cooler then nunavets elections. I mean seriously, whats the fun in 'consensus' politics. Next time I should totally rant about how stupid it is for Americans to hate the french, but you probably hate the french anyways. Well on the behalf of my french half, bite me.

Blog Supremacy

2008-09-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

I think we need to discuss two very important things.

One: KoM's Blog Supremacy
Know as you all know, I have long defeated the High Priestess of Puck in our battle of Blog Supremacy. But now after that long hard battle a Usurper arises to challenge my Throne. Yes the treacherous Queen of Shron is attempting to take my hard one place as... the person in my small circle of people I write about who writes in their blog the most. Now this means war. YOU MAY HAVE PICTURES, AND INTERNET RAD-DIO, AND CLASS, BUT YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT ME AND MY MAUVY GLORY. THIS MEANS WAR!!!!!

Two: In two days, is the anniversary of God's greatest gift to man, namely me.
Thats right its my birthday in two days... and I will destroy everyone who forgets... You've been warned...

Palin, Mortgage, and National Geographic

2008-09-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

Sarah. Palin.
Like what the heck was John MaCain thinking?
How did he come to this decision?
What crazed Manchurian Candidatesque vietmanese brainwasher made this possible?

But I digress. Let me explain this to those of you who do not pay attention to US politics, WWoN, Sarah Palin is the Vice Presidential Running mate of John MaCain of the Republican party.
And she is a crazed Alaskan gun-toting housewife. No joke. I am pretty that she has used all of those words to describe her self. Maybe not in that order though.

What... I mean... WHAT?
Did MaCain wake up angry at America for disliking Dick Chenny, that he decided that he would choose a vice presidential candidate that would make the World look upon Chenny with nostalgia?
Was he worried John Stewart and Stephan Colbert weren't going to have any more work after the Bush administration?
Did he feel that since Obama was Black and he choose a boring white guy to be his Vice president, that it was now up to MaCain to bring balance to the force by choosing the most insane female he could find?
I mean, come on!
What did she do to deserve the VP? Defeat all the other contenders in a cage fight? Promise MaCain not to shoot the elderly in the face? Kill a moose for him.

I mean serious, MaCain is old, and he has a nearly 50-50 chance of being the next president. What if he dies? What if... I cant think about it. Nobody do anything to upset MaCain. If he becomes president, the rest of the world has to agree that for the next eight years, we just need to fly under the radar. We cant raise his stress levels at all. He's fragile. and if he dies... well... can you say 'occupied Canadian nuclear wasteland'?

And all together it makes me a whole lot less worried about our election. Which, by all accounts, is going to be some kind of Tory government. Sorry Mr. PARLIAMENT, Shron, and every other liberal and or strategic voter. Thats the way the cookie crumbles. Because lets face it, the Liberals havent got it all together yet. As soon as Harper started pushing the Liberals around in the beginning, Dion should have just thrown down. Its like a prison in Parliament, you go at the biggest guy you see with a knife. You might get thrown in solitary, but when your out, the other prisoners will respect you. And kudos to Jack Layton for running an election like he will form government; he wont, but its kinda discouraging when every sentence in your platform begins with "If elected, we will demand-ask-beg the government to..."

Sarah Palin doesnt believe in pollution. Just throwing that out there.

And heres another thought. We could have had Al Gore as a president.

Heres something NOT POLITICAL (WWoN, stop skimming)
Getting up early to go to work, sucks monkey butts. Ah what we do for the almighty dollar. I just hope when I wake up this morning, there will still be a dollar left, and that gas wont cost 9 a liter of them. What was once so might, is now rather, not... tis the nature of the world, childern. Money comes, money goes, and stupidly named companies need to be saved from oblivion. Economics is almost as boring as politics, you say?
Yes, but it makes you far angier then politics, especially when airlines are requiring you to morgage you house just to fly, and some of us, WWoN, will soon be world travelers... and some of us, WWoN, will not have a house to mortgage.

Truly this is the end of our civilization as we know it. Soon we will be living in a nightmarish existance where Sarah Palin is president, we are occupied by mutant American militia men, and gas costs more then its weight in gold. But fear not, because that is when I plan to spring my glorious revolution. AND BEHOLD YE SHALL ALL REST PEACEFULLY UNDER MY GENTLE WATCHFUL EYE, AS I, YOUR KING, RULE OVER YOU WITH KINDNESS AND NON-CRAZY-NESS.

PS: Shron, you cheapen the blog medium when you add pictures. What ever happened to the power of imagination? Darn National Geographic, ruined monkeys for me.........

Various rantings about movies...

2008-07-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

I saw the Dark Knight. I do not if I ever told you this, world, but my favorite Batman villian has been, and always will be, the Joker, followed in a tie for second by the Penguin and the Riddler. Now comes the obvious Question, which is better: crazy anarchist terrorist Heath Ledger Joker, or crazy murderous uncle Jack Nicolson Joker. And we all know what the answer is; don't lie, even if you actually thought Jack Nicolson was better, you would say Heath Ledger... YES YOU WOULD, SHUT UP... and if you would say otherwise, your a bastard... yes you are... yes... you are... I mean, he died so you could watch that movie... he died... for that movie... its a tragedy... which in some ways, I think, puts a whole damper on the film... I mean, through the entire film I was thinking "Wow.. he died"... and in the end, your thinking "THAT WAS AWESOME. I CANT WAIT FOR THE OTHER ONE." but then you realize, that the Joker, he's not going to be back.

So the question is, Am I a heartless Jack-Loving bastard, or a compasionate Heath-loving... non... bastard... and like a true canadian, I refuse to take a stand... I enjoyed both equally. I mean, come on people, you cant just throw the Jack out with the bathwater. Jack did a good job, and so did Heath. And in saying that, I give a great boon to the internet, which is moderation. I am like Prometheus giving fire to man. Dont burn yourself internet batman fanatics...

I feel now, a sudden urge to speak about star trek. I am deeply worried about the future of star trek. It is now in the hands of the same man that brought us Lost (SERIOUSLY, POLAR BEARS!? TROPICAL ISLAND???) and a home movie about a giant alien frog... Yes the new star trek movie is coming up, about Kirk, but no William Shatner... which is just wrong... I am deeply concerned

Another area of concern to both me and the Queen of Shron... And it begins today, friday 25th of July 2008... The next dubious installment of the Xfiles. I approach this movie with both great hope, desiring the witty pseudo-sexual banter between Fox and Scully, and great fear, remembering the less then steller attempts by Chris Carter to translate his vision into the theaters... The truth, I think, is out there, I just hope this movie does well enough to warrent figuring out what the hell is going on in the xfiles universe. Which is foolish of me... the truth shall remain hidden within ...

Well Queen of Shron, I devote this blog to you. May you and your flithy fiance have many happy years.... stupid full colour fotos...

2008-05-12T18:22:00.000-07:00

I heard something about one of the people who play on Bones, T. J. Thyne, the dude who plays Hodgins; used to be called Taz, after Taz the Tasmamian devil, because of his unusual techinque on his highschool wrestling. What the hell do you have to do on a wrestling team to be nicked named after a loony toons character? Was it because he turned into a giant tornado, or because he slobbered when he spoke?
Mysteries, I love them. Just like House.

since where on the subject of TV, whats with people who hate TV shows because large number of other people watch them? I mean, I don't like American Idol, but I don't spaz out whenever somebody mentions it. GEEZ.

I often get grief from WWoN for not being long enough, so now that I am done ranting about TV, I need to talk about something else.

I hear the Chinese apparently have some problem with the Dalai Lama. They called him a "Beast with the face of a man and the heart of a devil"; and thats from official Chinese spokesmen. That in itself is a hilarious thing to say. Seriously, how worried are they about the Dalai Lama? I mean, I hear he's a big guy and stuff... but really... Can you really imagine the Dalai Lama as the mastermind behind riots in Tibet... oh CHinese government... sigh... what will we ever do with you?

Jean. Paul... Lets get the Band back together

2008-03-20T20:11:00.000-07:00

So Paul Martin is going to be one of the three former prime ministers to judge on Canada's Next Prime Minister. He also has paid a visit to Brenda Martin (no relation) in Mexico (for those who do not know, Brenda Martin is a Canadian currently imprisoned in a Mexican Jail). From these two peices of information, I have come to a conclusion; Paul Martin is traveling the earth, doing good deeds, like Kwai Chang Caine off of Kung Fu. Now I am sure some of you cynical bastards don't believe that it is possible for politicians to aspire to a life of doing good. Jimmy Carter is like some freakish anomally that ought be studied by science; but the way I figure it, politicians have to lie to be politicians, so once they are no longer politicians they revert back to their natural state. Look at Brian Mulrony; once he stopped being a politician he stopped lying about being evil and revealed himself to be a committed servant of darkness. And now Ben has learnt from his father's mistakes and found a way to be honest to himself, and yet still spread misery throughout Canada. I hate Idol so much it hurts.
ANY ways, I think its time for Paul Martin and Jean Cretian to bury the hatchet and join forces. They could be like our crack squad! can you imagine it? Problems arise in the middle east; Send in the Team. It could be like the A team of Canada, THE C-TEAM. We would need more then two guys though. Maybe we could convince Joe Clark and Kim Campbell to join. AND we could get them a really really tricked out VAN!!!! That should melt the heart of the most cynical hipster. Yeah. A Van. Can you imagine it? Its bringing a tear to my eye right now. This ones for you MR. PARLIAMENT.

Santa is Evil

2007-12-30T11:23:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone

Lets get into it.

The North Pole is a totalitarian fascist state. Do you disagree with me. Of course not. Let me lay out my argument.

1) Cult of the Personality: Have you ever seen any movie about the north pole, hes worshiped like a god
2) Surveillance: "He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake, He knows when you have been bad or good." Come on people, wake up and smell the oppression!
3) Militaristic Society: all the elves in uniform! Working in collectives! To make toys... or weapons...
4) Ever notice how there are never any complaints by the elves about Santa... because anyone who complains gets sent to "Special Re-education Toy Factories"

It wont be long till legions of candy cane warriors and reindeer shock troops come pouring over the border. Thats why I think Canada and Russia should ally against the common threat of North Polish aggression. Containment. Thats the name of the game. We got to talk with the other northern nations, Finland, Iceland, Norway, Sweden. Together, we can stop the merry red sleigh of tyranny.

DOWN THE FAT MAN!!!!

Hi. How was everyones christmas. If you truly love me, tell me your favorite gift was this year! Mines was a camera! I love taking pictures of things. Things are awesome!!!

Happy new years, peoples!!! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!! SANTA IS WATCHING YOU!!!

Strange Names and weather

2007-12-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

okay, I need to talk about politics, the presidential race. I have a question. What the heck is with all this bizzare names?

Huckabee?

Barack Obama?

Mitt Romney? Who names their kid Mitt? What was wrong with his parents? Do we really want the leader of the free world coming from a gene pool that thought it was a good idea to name their kid "Mitt"?

And Mike Huckabee was in a band? Called "Capital Offense"? And Soutern Baptist? Isnt that like against some law, like against the devils music, or dancing, or electricity, or fun?

Enough of that. Its really cold in Ontario. Cold enough to freeze buggers in you nose. And thats cold. Believe me. And its snowing. ANd theres a snow storm coming up, by all accounts. So If I don't turn up online for a while, its because my frozen corpse is lying buried under a meter of snow. You will hear about in spring.

Just warning you. Maybe I need some mitts... ITS NOT A NAME, MITT. ITS JUST NOT REASONABLE.... or a tuque.

Speaking of weather and presidential candidates, I wonder what Gore is up too. I miss Gore in politics. He was like Bush's and Clinton's Straight man. For a glorious decade, he entertained us with his flat oblivious responses to us making fun of him. Clinton, the sex crazed hillbilly tried to avoid getting caught by his stern wife, while Al Gore tried to discover what it meant to be human. I miss the Clintons. I hope Hilary gets elected, and not just because she is the only candidate with a normal name, and that her ancestory does not include polygamists, or that she is the second most attractive candidate in the primaries (I'm looking at you Barack, you sexy probably black man)

Anyways, in conclusion, Al Gore is a robot sent from the future to prevent us from destorying our planet, just like Schazenager. So dont be surprised if you meet him if he asks you where "Sarah Conner" is.

Bye bye

Roads

2007-10-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

So the liberals won in ontario. If anyone is interested. I will not say who I voted for, least the political types attack me for making the wrong choice... which is, as we already know, impossible, but still people are stupid.

ANYWHO, hows life people? Once again I spent the week collecting funny things to say, only to have them evaporate before I write.

We are cutting a road in our swap. We are cutting a 800 yard road to the back of our property to cut wood, and them another 320 across our property, just for kicks and giggles. And now I am very sore, because I had to haul several trees out of the new road. sadly, the road will not be very usefull till the snow comes. I think we should do something like this in the muddy parts, but I doubt my idea will get accepted. Anyways, there is nothing like cutting a path in the middle of a swap to remind you of roman history. I mean, how did those guys build stone roads across Europe, BY HAND. If we didn't have chainsaws and a truck, I would die. But they did every thing with like... horses... and axes... and hands... and stuff...
I am just thankful its not a stone road
And don't tell that to my dad. Lets not give him any ideas.

ANYWHO, I need to write something funny. Ummmm... Cheese? Where did all my cool ideas go! Frick! stupid mind

screw it, I will figure something else another day!

Vote Mauve

2007-10-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

Well I had thought of a bunch of funny things to say, but to be honest, I have forgotten what they where. Ummmm... so....

Happy Turkey day everyone!!!!

A little early I guess...

So... ummmm...

Theres an election coming up in Ontario. A provincial one. So I feel compelled to make a political statement. Now, I don't really understand politics. I might pretend to, but deep down I don't. I am only vaguely aware of what a conservative and a liberal are. Part of my problem is that when I talk to conservatives, they say I am a liberal, and when I talk to liberals, they say I am conservative. And right now, those same people that tell me where I belong on the spectrum are going, "No, KoM, they are wrong... as usual... you are indeed a liberal/conservative/hippie" I think part of the problem is that I don't really care about the whole left right thing. I mean, the whole thing started on which side of the French king you sat on ... and I haven't sat beside the French king lately...

which in itself explains my problem

I am a king

I AM THE KING OF MAUVE

So its not that I am right of lil'persia or left of my super capitalist friend in halifax. Its that their sitting right and left of me!

So I am not going to say I am left...
I am not going to say I am right...
I am going to say I am not wrong, that is, I am correct, about everything. Because in this blog my word is law. And I said so. BEHOLD

My other problem with politics is that there doesn't seem to be a political movement that articulates my theory of "we just shouldn't be jerks"... there is no anti-jerkism, no san-jerkistas, no Canadian Coalition against Jerks.

And not being a jerk is at the center of what passes as Mauvic Political Thought.

And so sometimes it feels like I am just rearranging chairs on the titanic when I vote. And I know what your thinking "No KoM, not our guys, their the good ones, our party is full of good dudes." And to quote Jerry Seinfeld, "No they're not, they're the same jerks we've been talking about"

So because of this, I often feel like a pregnant woman with a can of tuna when I go into the ballot box. Will the evil mercury of party A destroy the Infant of Democracy. Or does Little Baby Parliament need those precious fatty acids of freedom?

I hope that was a little funny!

A LIST!!!

Top Ten Reasons the King of Mauve should vote for my party

10. Bribery
9. Has monkey and plays accordian
8. gives out free sandwhiches
7. Kisses babies, but not in a creepy way
6. Party leaders vow to get KoM a date with a hot tattoo girl
5. Jesus was a party member, we have his file in our database
4. Will kill the least amount of people if elected
3. Will give KoM a X-box 360 with Halo 3
2. Lil'Persia Certified 100% Free of Fatty Tyranny
1. Sits right beside The King of Mauve

VOTE MAUVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad News, Transformers, Yoda, and Addictive websites

2007-08-01T18:53:00.001-07:00

Well WWoN here goes nothing. I got to admit guys, this is hard to do. I am not in a joking mood. I broke up with my Girlfriend. And theres otherstuff. But, you guys are my peeps, so I will try.

Anybody see Transformers. GOD I LOVE THAT MOVIE. I can't say too much, because Cowgirl hasn't seen it yet. But OH MY GOD, that is literally the best movie about giant alien robots that turn into trucks ever made. I loved. They even used the sound. Anybody who watched classic transformers knows what I am talking about the sound they make when they transform.

Chuh Cha Chu Cha... something like that

So Cool. Which leads to the next logical question, if you where a transformer, what vehcial would you choose to turn into. This is the fatal flaw of Transformers, they always choose to cool vehcials. I would choose something that nobody would suspect of being an alien. Like a Ford Tempo. Or a minivan. Or something with a hatchback. Nothing says I am not cool like a hatchback. But if I truly wanted to blend in I would be a... rusted Malibu. Like the one I drive now. Lets face it, nothing says normal like rust. Yes, I would be a rusted Malibu.

What would you be?

A Fiesta?

A John Deer tractor?

A Klingon Bird of Prey (Me and my brother have decided that indeed is the most awsome combination of things in the universe, all that thing needs is a giant light saber)?

Please tell me your opinions

ON TO OTHER THINGS

Gentlemen... Ladies... WWoN... I have discovered... Facebook

It is literally the most addictive thing on earth, with the exception of maybe Wikipedia. Why does stupid stuff like that attract me... like a moth to the light, I go and dance on there websites, like some sort of wikifacebookmonkey. DANCE WIKIFACEBOOKMONKEY, DANCE... Sick sick bastards.

Anyways... I wounder if they have any transformer related applications on wikipedia... I better check... like now... bye

something New.... and nazis

2007-04-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

LOYAL SUBJECTS AND SERFS (I'M TALKING TO YOU, WWON). TAKE HEAD. I COMMAND YOU TO OPEN YOUR EARS
Well I got a date tommorow. With a girl. A real girl. I know, I know, its the end of an era. So I will have to make up a nick name for her. Just for the new readers to this blog, I make up nicknames for the people I know, for security reasons; and legal reasons; and it ammuses me. I may or maynot be a meglomaniac, thats another thing the readers should know.

Its up to you to guess who the people are. Or ask me, and I will tell you.

Yes, so new nickname. Well she likes groundhogs. But I don't think that I want to name her a ground hog related nickname... or cheese related... ummmm, how about the Cute One. Yeah that will do for now. Now I know you Vultures want to know everything, but I shall wait till after tommorow. Then I will tell you all about her. No need to jinx it.

So I am watching Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, and I can't understand what the Nazis are thinking. If you really believe this Jewish artifact has some sort of super destructive power, why would you as a nazi go looking for it? How happy do you think whatever is in the ark is going to be to see your grinning aryan face? Not very happy.

Stupid, stupid, nazis

Anyways. thats that. Ta ta

Government

2007-03-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

So lets talk about working for the government. Its kinda like this. One day, you arrive at work and find a beaver in a cage on your desk. Nobody tells you way there is a beaver on desk, so you ask your supervisor. He complains that you should have read the memo, which arrived on your day off. He then he explains that you have to feed the beaver every time you finish fifty documents. You ask why. Your supervisor is impressed; nobody had ever asked why. He thinks your a go getter now. He sends a email to his boss, who sends an email to the manager, who sends a email to the director, who sends a email to the deputy minister, who askes the minister, who discusses a proper answer with his research people. Three days later, you get the answer.

"In Order to assure the Beaver is feed on a regular basis."

So you ask why do we have a beaver. Three days later you are told the Beaver was part of a project in order to save beavers. You ask why the beaver isn't sold to the zoo. You are told its illegal to sell beavers, as they are canadas national symbol. You ask why don't they give the beaver away. They tell you the beaver is worth 30,000 dollars, and would represent too great of a loss to the government. You then ask when the beaver's cage will be cleaned. They tell you that they don't bother to clean the cage, they just throw it out each week and give the beaver a new cage. You say wouldn't it be cheeper to buy a hose and spray it out. They explain to you that in 1978 the Federal government reposed over 8000 beaver cages, and it would now cost more to buy a hose then to throw out the cages. You would say something, but because of your interest in the project, you have been made the Beaver Keeping Project Leader and have been given a raise.

Thank you, and good night.

New job, various slanders

2007-03-03T21:09:00.000-08:00

WWoN told me to write. It doesn't help that she keeps sending me links for crap like this.
I got a new job at the Government. I prepare forms for data entry. Its not as glamerous as it sounds. Working for the canadian government means you get to see Canadian multiculturism. We have employees from every continent on the earth except for Antartica and Australia, because as we know, humans don't live there. I am no longer invovled in private business. Instead I live LIKE A KING off of your hard stolen taxes...
anywho...
what else...
The Problem is I am running out of things to make fun of. Like i could make fun of the giant ontario sand boobs that speckle the landscape, but nobody would get that. I could make fun of Australia some more, but I can't think of any other jokes related to Australia. I could mention the Shriners... or the Maryland Board of Education... Or my bad spelling

Maybe I should rant

Notice, fellow bloggers, that we have been BOUGHT OUT BY GOOGLE. Now we are forced to join the google bandwagon with all the google storm troopers. Not that I care. But I am trying to get a letter from THOSE BASTARDS AT GOOGLE telling me to cease and desist my blasting of the POOR IDIOTS WHO RUN GOOGLE. And when they do send me a letter, I will post it. If the site is still here. Otherwsie I might have to start a new one. And I would be sad. And GOOGLE WOULD GET PUT ON THE LIST OF PEOPLE WHO ARE MY ENEMIES... yeah... you heard me, you corperate bastards... you want to go... bring it on... I'm ready... lets do this... its go time... time to bring home the bacon... I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and it looks like I'm all out of bubble gum... Yeah... I didn't think so... wussies

mwhahahahahaha

2007-01-16T17:48:00.000-08:00

ugh, I think I might be gettin sick, which sucks, cause I need to go to a temporary job tommorow, doing inventory at a Christian Bookstore. This is like, the kinda of job I hould be doing, but its only for one day.
But I am coughing and my throat is sore.... sigh
My chance into the secert world of Christian bookmanship... in danger
anyways, my feet are very cold now, so I might get socks. That about all thats new.

no, kidding, I have more to say then that.
Falkland cowgirl is sending me beads. Thats fantastic. and I am pleased. She also has a blog
BEHOLD THE AWFUL POWER OF BLOGSPOT. I AM THE KING O MAUVE, AND I COMMAND YOU TO GO HERE

WWoN is back, she went to honduras. She liked it. Nough said.

I got several things for christmas. I got two novels, a book of poems by Rumi and a philosophy book. and a weird blanket thingy. And comic books.

Oh, by the way. I am now an Evil Baboon overlord. I recently turned my self into a baboon, and became their evil ruler. and here is my evil plan

To begin, I shall first Devour the chosen one, my eternal enemy... if any body knows who that is, tell me, alright. This will cause the world to sigh up for life insurance polices, amazed by my actions. Who is this future ruler of mankind, they shall say, where did he come from? And why does he look so good in Baboon fur?

Next, I will seize control of the internet. This will be done from my Abandoned church, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will gibber like madmen, as countles hordes of Baboons hasten to do my every bidding.

Finally, I shall Let loose my Needlessly Big Weather Machine, bring about something really really bad. My name shall become synonymous with baboons, and no man will ever again dare interrupt my sentences. Everyone will bow before my Baboonness, and the world will have no choice but to Restore my CREDIT RATING!!!!!!

MWhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

KOMAS

2006-12-14T20:11:00.000-08:00

ADVENT IS UPON US!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NOTHING OF CONSQUENCE TO SAY ABOUT THAT!!!!!!! BRING ME BEADS!!!!!!

So my new job is going well so far. It is busy and time passes quickly. It is also full time. Like real full time, like 44 hours a week easily at the moment. Which is good. And its like, 15 minutes away rather then an hour. Which is fantastic. Before I was spending over two hours a day on the road, now I spend maybe half an hour, its a huge chunk of not working back. Theres not many people working with me. Pretty much my supervisor and the executive chef during most of the week. I am not sure why I require a supervisor to watch over me personally, but it is nice to see they where thinking of me.

I have started going to the gym. SIGH. Its not that bad I guess. I dunno. We'll see how it turns out.

WWoN always complains these aren't long enough. SNort.

I suppose I need something else to make the cut.

I DECLARE DECEMBER 23 TO BE KOMAS, THE DAY WHEN WE CELEBRATE ME, KOM. BECAUSE I SAID SO. SO GATHER AROUND THE KOMTREE AND SING KOM CAROLS ABOUT YOUR KING, ME, THE KING O'MAUVE. AND THEN YOU SHALL ALL EXCHANGE YOUR KOMAS GIFTS, INCLUDING THE ONE YOU WILL SEND ME, CONSISTING OF BEADS. I DESIRE BEADS!!!!!! THEN YOU SHALL PARTICIPATE IN THE ANNUAL THROWING OUT OF THE CHICKPEAS!!! I COMMAND YOU!!!!

kay, I am done, thats all for me

Queen of Pop... or Queen of Trolls

2006-12-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

Alright, I suppose its time for a real blog. I am quiting my job at the factory, and starting a new job at a resturant. HAHA, I win. God I hate that job. I am tempted not to go the next few days. But I will. FOr the money, I suppose.

So I have decided its time to rant about celebrities.

Have you noticed their has behavior amoungst some female stars that could almost be described as... Troll-like... I mean, you knwo those happy mothers who keep adopting people... it reminds me Trolls, stealing babies in the night... Its getting kinda weird. I mean, I have doubts about how healthy it is to be a celebrities child to begin with. I mean... just look at them... Some of these people are just not right... And now their becoming Trolls... I guess I shouldn't be so hard on them, but it all seems very patronizing, and ... a little creepy... Now I don't want to mention any names, mainly because of internet searches that will lead rabid fans to my door step... but I think you know who I am talking about... Troll-Queens

What else. Oh I volunteered to be the Secratary of the Pastoral Council at my parish. without being asked. IF that doesn't get me into heaven, I don't know what will. I don't know what nightmarish thing awaits me on tuesday. All I know is that it better be over before ten... or else...

Nothing else is new... I am back working on HoME now that november is over... so I will set a tentative date of next week for another update... WWoN will keep me honest... I am also considering expanding HoME in a sense... but that might be a while till it manifests. It takes time to write this stuff, its not just insane crap like this. But heres something special for you all.

A KoM Winter

It was the night of Christmas and all through the House
Not a single thing stirred, cept for KoM
Up and down the Hall he paced
To wait for the fat man fall down the chimeny and brack a book case
But wait as long as he could, for the little cheat
the mighty king soon found himself asleep
So with hands so delicate the fat man placed in Koms sleave
his gift of twenty strains of yarn, and a fist full of beads

Merry christmas... GIVE ME BEADS

..............................................................

2006-11-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

So, opps, I forgot to post on sunday. BUT I have a good excuse, I have been writing furiously. For nanowrimo. SO don't yell at me. Cause some of us havne't even started their story. Hint hint. You know who you are.
How is everyone doing. Things are goin well here. Ummm.

So.... Ummm.... what to say. Cheese?

ummmm....
hmmmmmm....
dummm....
Oh!
I got a new job at a resturant. Which is alright cause I strongly dislike my currant job.

Frick... what else...
I still need beads.... you know who you are...

I am watching Hero right now. Its awsome. I also like Jericho and Battlestar Galatica. I really like Jericho.... its about the United States getting attacked by nuclear weapons. But its sad, cause you know Canada and Mexico must be goners too, cause when the surviors are looking for satilite feeds, Peter Mansbridge doesn't come on with his great bald head to tell us about stuff.
But no Peter Mansbridge.

And I like House. Evil doctor House, hateful bastard. God I love that show.

And CSI. Good old Los Angles CSI. None of that CSI NY and CSI Miami. Damn Horatio. I hate your red headed head so much.

What else.......................................................................

Nothing..........................................................................

I don't think so.............................................................

what...............................................................................

sigh.................................................................................

I can't think of a list, or a briku, or even a small novelette........

Or any other monty pythonary.,............................
sorry guys, good night, and good luck

I DESIRE BEADS!!!!!!!!

2006-11-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

BRING ME BEADS!! I DESIRE THEM!!!

I have nothing much to write about today

SOmetimes life is boring. But I do desire beads. Feel free to send them to me.

And yes, I am indeed serious. I need beads.

What else Can I talk about.
I dunno
What else is there. WWoN won't even say what she thinks I should write, despite the fact that she is the one laways bugging me to write them. And God forbid I stop this post right here

or she will kill me

Any who, my granpa and uncle are down for hunting. Deer. Not men. The worlds most dangerous prey. outside of Raptors. Damn Raptors. So they are here, arming themselves with weapons of some kind, to go out in the woods and shoot something. I will be surprised if my grandfather or uncle get a deer. I will be flabbergasted if my dad does. He never gets anything. Not even small things. like squirals. I will not go, because I do not have a license to hunt or the motivation to get one.

What else. Well you can check out a small badly writen and poorly spelled expert from my novel on nanowrimo. Both me, WWoN, and Hockey Girl need to get our acts together, cause our currant count for words is .... .... NOT ENOUGH.... so, yeah, I better work on that damn thing tommorow. Need to do alot of work on it. Stress myself out a little over it. Ugh

Kay. Bring me beads. Bye

Yay, another blog post

2006-10-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

I am running out of material!

I suppose I could talk about work but ... thats boring... oh! I will talk about random things....

like I always do I guess...

... so, ever watch a woman and a man in a relationship. Its a bit like watching Jet Li beat up a Pug; why, you ask, does a relationship remind KoM of Jet Li beating up a Pug? Well, you, women have become master of relationships; I swear they are all reading Sun Tzu's Art of War and applying it to their boyfriends. They never allow a guy to fight on his own grounds, and if he discovers what the grounds are, they change them. Fluid. Every changing. Adaptable. Perfect. And then theres man, who buys some roses and expects that is victory for the rest of the year... poor, pathetic fools... I hate all couples...

Moving on

Ontario is very old... compared to BC... in BC, a heritage home is any place that existed before it politicans in BC started commiting criminal acts. SOme buildings in Ontario existed BEFORE POLITICIANS... Old Quebec had the right idea about bannign lawyers I say (something completely different)... why did I mention that? oh, right old stuff. I suppose BC will eventually have alot of old stuff, but it will all be that crappy protestant old stuff... which sucks... because protestant stuff is univerisally boring... whereas catholic stuff has colours and pictures and statues galore. And more importantly, it has KoMs! KoMs EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ummmm... I don't feel this blog posting has truly been the best... I think it needs something more... like a Briku...

An angry WWoN
A frog jumps into the mauve
Howling Cheese

... wow... that was... weird...

anyways, Apparently I should start HoME (according to WWoN), which makes some sense since it is the End of October. Well, my little story page is up, with a unique story designed especially to be posted on a blog, peice by peice. A 'serial' if you will. And One wonders if WWoN, after she reads it, will want to be a 'serial' killer.

Ummm, please get out you... umm... agendas... and ummm... turn to page... just a second.... ummm... six

2006-10-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

I call this blog posting to order. Any old business? No? excelent, Onto the new business.

Now, first of all, item 2.1, ummm, new websites. I turn you attention to 2.1.1 and 2.1.2, a motion to reconize the existance ofWWoN's and Shron's New websites. Any discussion?
Ummm, let me stop you there WWoN, in order to move a Motion for "my website be declared cooler then stupid Queen of Shron's" you have to file it with the seceratary and it will come up in New Business next week.

Can we have a vote. All in favour, say aye. All against, say ICHI ICHE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALANANANANANNAA. The ayes have it. Excelent.

Now, Item 2.2, a motion to be amazed by a 2.8 liter can of chickpeas. As you know, the 2.8 liter can of chickpeas was discovered on thursday. Ummm, its a well accepted fact that chickpeas are an established running joke of this website, as you can see if you turn the apendix of your agendas. ummm, this seems pretty simply, so I will just ask if any oppose this motion. No? Good. Moving on.

Ummm, thats the last of new business. Now for reports. Ummm, report from the King of Mauve... well, ummm, I have several projects on the go. The, ummm, photographing of the marvelous of the Ottawa valley is moving along nicely. We have the camera, now we need the will power. Ummm, the other stuff is going well. Ummm, nothing else.

Anyways, ummm, can I get a motion to adjure this blog posting. Can I second that emotion? excelent. See you next week people. Blog posting adjured.

Chip Wagons and Other things

2006-10-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

This part of canada has some strange obssession with chip wagons. What are these 'chip wagons' you ask? Well, you, a chip wagon is like the little trailer at the fair that sells greesy food, except: 1) there is no fair; 2) it does not leave; 3) there freaken everywhere! Everywhere in the country you find these greesy little trailers pushing out poutine and hotdogs like it was the IPE/whatever passes for a fair in the US. But without the class. How do these places stay in business? Are there really that many Ontarians willing to eat at these places that their willing to pull over to the side of the road and purchase a bag of fries.

Anywho... I can't end the blog yet, but thats all I had to say this week. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
I dunno

What should I do? a list? no... maybe an ode...

Ode to Chip Wagons

BEHOLD! The Glory of Ontario
Pull over for fries and your gone
2.50 for a individual Oreo
Behold! the mighty, Chip Wa-gone

hmmmm.... needs more....
oh
Brian's writing; in a normal conversation, I do not talk about writing to anybody but WWoN or hockey girl, nobody else cares. BUT, this is MY blog, so

I am going to be working on two projects, I will be posting the first project online over november. I am currently writing the november project, assuring i have enough for one post a week, so that I can safely work on my other project NaNoWriMo without worrying about anything else. Except for this blog. And my other one. But those take about an hour and a half to gether to write usually, so, its not huge.

But, I'm a working at it

SPREAD WORD. THE KING OF MAUVE RULES OVER HIS REALM WISELY AND WITH SAGE MAUVICITY

NaNoWriMo

2006-10-13T11:23:00.000-07:00

Quick post just to say, I have entered into this this called NaNoWriMo. If you want to know what this is, go and see.

TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

by the way WWoN might have a new site or something.

My Fellow Canadians/One American, HAPPY THANKSGIVING/NORMAL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turkeys make me sleepy. I should know, I have eaten two.

What else is going on. I have been working. It is not interesting. It involves cleaning stuff, and putting stuff in boxes, and bagging stuff, and putting tape on boxes, and moving stuff, and pushing the botten that turns on the machine to put tape on boxes...
There are alot of boxes...
Not alot of intelligence though...
Well thats not true... at least half of the people there have enough combined experience in technology to build a rocket ship... they other half has about the computational power of two pigs and a clock radio... which I suppose is meanhearted of me... But some of the stuff that goes on is so stupid!!!!!! And nobody shows up to work. I kid you not, we lost four guys today, who just decided "meh, I'm tired, so I'm going home." I AM WORKING IN A CIRCUS FILLED WITH INSANE CLOWNS!!!! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, AND WHY HAVE THE KIDNAPPED ME AND MADE ME THEIR BOARD WASHER!!!????!!!???!??

Damn Shriners... they did this some how...

Btw, an Update: That story I am writing, it is still being writen, I want to make sure I have four weeks of material to put up, you know, before i put it up, least I, you know, get lazy along the way.

AND NOW, A LIST

Top Ten Worst Ways to Die

10. Eaten by House Cats
9. Potatoe Avalance
8. Mongolian Invasion of North America
7. WWoN
6. Not eaten alive by Hanibal Lector, but made to listen to him talk till you die of old age
5. Wrapped in Tape and left on factory floor by accident
4. Too many Manwiches
3. Cheese
2. Maneating Hippies from Mars
1. Overdose on tryptophan

Hmmm, this post needs a name... how about.... Jochem.... hmmmm... no... maybe.... Julian....

2006-10-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

merph

no whining, I do not care, I post when I feel like it.

It was my birthday yesterday. I got this.

- comic book
- video game
- Promise of a new pair of pants
- assorted strange things

Anywho, I am not going to St pauls... dont ask...

I got a job at a factory, I package things. I want a new job. This job is the single most boring job I have ever had. It invovles periodic spurts of work combined with long moments of doing abosolutely nothing. It sucks the energy out of a person. But some of the people are kind nice. Their favorite hobby is complaining about other employees and their work ethic/personal higiene.

I need to get a new job.

FOr those of you who are truly paying attention, you will already know I plan to write more. On that note, this being my Flagship Blog (HMS Mauverprise) I am annoucing the opening of YET ANOTHER BLOG. This blog will be, once again, thematically different from my other blogs. It will be show casing a story I am writing. This is an idea I got from my brother. Unlike my brother it will not be about star trek. Like everything else, I am going to assume no one is reading this blog either. THis gives me the unique advantage to print pretty much whatever I want. That why I can insult various groups of people (religions, nations, ethnic groups, fraternal orders, school boards ect ect).... Damn Shriners and their stupid hats...

Anyways, I hope SOMEBODY is still reading some of my blogs. Except for WWoN. YOu read everything. Your like the black hole of literature.

Any who. Good Day, Good Night. Stay tuned. I COMMAND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snakes on Fire

2006-08-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

First of all, sorry its been so long.

Now on to important things; Snakes on a Plane.
This is a name of a movie. In this movie, Samuel Jackson does battle with Snakes on a Plane.
Snakes on a Plane...
Our civilization is falling into ruins. SNAKES! ON A PLANE!!! ... somebody was in Hollywood was sitting in his office and decided that THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA....
SNAKES!!! SNAKES!!! on a plane?
Why? Why are we doing this to ourselves, why are we letting people feed us this trash?
Lets talk about this movie.
1) The last person I want saving me from Snakes on a Plane is Samuel Jackson. He should stick to fighting criminals and ancient evil cults. Lets face it, the man you want on that plane is Steve Irwin. The man might not know how to act, but he knows how to handle snakes
2) Now, from what I can glean from research, the snakes are being used as a form of assisination. Who uses snakes to kill somebody on a plane? thats like the worst idea ever! I mean, of all the ways you could kill somebody, snakes is clearly the inferior version. There is no elegance, controll or grace. Why not a nice bomb on a plane, or nerve gas on a plane, or Trained Killer Baboons on a Plane? Trained Killer Baboons on a Plane! Now thats a Movie!
3) Whats with this name! I can tell the entire plot just from those four words. AND what really kills me, is that JACKSON PUSHED TO KEEP "SNAKES ON A PLANE" WHEN THE PRODUCERS WANTED TO CHANGE IT. What is going on? The only answer is that Jackson hates mankind; thats the only reasonable answer.

Thus, Snakes on a Plane = Bad Idea

SO I had an event of some sort, it was low key. I almost lite myself on fire. You know, the normal. And a few people even came, it was actually more then I expected. Did I mention I almost lite myself on fire.

SOme people couldn't make it, don't worry, MD has it all on tape. The people, the cooking, the fire, when the cops showed up (the funny thing is, Im not making this stuff up). And for the various people who couldn't attend because of reasons that range from Logistical to Hilarious; I guess we'll do something latter.

Any ways, thats all for now, peace out.

WWoN told me to write.............

2006-06-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

Well whats new. I got a bike, I took my car off the road, my class is almost over so I will be starting a new course soon, I got my hours cut back, I bought a book about plants in southern BC. I am trying to write. Thats about it. It feels like there isn't much to write about, I don't know why.

What else is new, you might ask?

Well the cowgirl visit, and then I paid a visit to the Queen of Shron, a week later, and we played this game with her boyfriend and his friends. They are both doing fine. WWoN is very stressed, she got another job and basically trying to get two companies to provide fair schedualling is liking trying to squeeze water out of two stones in the desert during the summer with an extra sun in the sky.

Kinda hard

Anywho, I don't know what else to say, I need to make something to eat so I don't faint at work tonight, and thats about it. Have fun out there.

A Mauvilicious Week

2006-05-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

I created a myspace account.... Lil Persia made me do it.... That picture is what I actually look like .... no joke.... oh and while where on that road.... my sister made me do this .... dont worry, I'm not switching from blogspot to any of these monstroscities.... but they are interesting.... at least I get a crown in Gaiaonline... and myspace appears to be a cult in which they worship their awful and terrifying god, TOM...

By the way, if you too like to laugh at myspace, I have something for y'all

This and that.

Anyways, lets go through a list of the things I did these two weeks...

Thursday- Dinner with WWoN at Cactus Club
Saturday- Got Strep Throat (WENT TO DOCTOR)
Monday- Better. Dinner with WWoN in Vernon
Tuesday- Saved World from intergalatic fiend
Thursday- Visited Lil'Persia. Was late for booksale with WWoN. WWon was greatly annoyed. Bought 19 books. Tore down WWoN's playground
Sunday- Watched Narnia with LilPersia and FCB (Go back and look it up)
Monday- Brought Lil'Persia grocery shopping

This is what I call, an eventuful week... It may shock you, but it is true. I was quite pleased with the passed few days. I have seen enough people to make myself not a hermit. Thats about all I need. Now if you excuse me, Roland is about to meet his maker in a very metaficitonal sense and I need to be there(that ones for hockeygirl. Guess which part I'm at)

"Haven't Blog In A While." "Yes?" "How do you say yes with a question [mark]?" "Its easy, watch me.... yes?..." "Ass"-- Lil'Persia and KoM, 2006

2006-04-30T23:26:00.001-07:00

thats the right year, right? sometimes I forget

I am sick

I hope that alliviates some boredom out there.

In other news, I recieved a gift from a reader I didn't know I had. Since the only thing I know about him/her is that s/he likes Battlestar Galatica, I shall dub him a name that apparently applies to men, women, and coffee franchises... so new person, I dub ye, Starbuck...

Well that was a foray into BSG that nobody but three of my readers will get.

What else is up. Bon Jovi is playing. School is over. I am trying to write. I thought of a new story, I won't reveal too much but it will invovle Indo-Europeans, which means it shares something in common with the majority of literature in the world... however, there may be different Indo-Europeans, maybe even some Tocharians... Oh those fisty Tocharians...

So in bitter sweet news, several of my friends have left my apartment building.... Cowgirl, Shron, my RA... All gone... I am... alone

............... please vist me..........................

Both Cowgirl and my RA are moving to Prince Geoge.... stupid Prince George

................. seriously, I have organe juice guys..............

and soon i will have roomates..............................

...........................................sigh............................

Anywho, I can't think of anything else, but to answer you question Starbuck, yes, Pany did tell me more about you then I'm letting on, but before she told me I came up with my joke up there, and since I didn't want to ruin it, I opporunistically forgot to mention those peices of information

Anways

I COMMAND YOU TO GO FORTH AND SPREAD THE WORD OF MAUVE!!!!

A Call out to my Multi-coloured subjects... and For Lil'persia.... multi-colored...

2006-04-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

Okay everyone.... heres the low done, let my lay it out for you... I gots myself a music dling thingy... and now, I require your help.... I want everyone who can to give me your five favorite songs... this maybe difficult for some of us, as our favorite songs number in the hundreds... so let me make this clear...

I do not care... do it...

Let me make this even more clear...

I COMMAND YOU, IN THE NAME OF THE MAUVE THRONE, TO OBEY ME AND USE MY COMMENTS THINGY TO LIST FIVE SONGS

Anyone who doesnt', is no longer my friend

Thank you, and good night... or morning... whatever

Oh, and if you pick a song I already have, I will destroy you.... fair warning... that goes for you too, Lil'America, you and your colors and labor....

Stupid dishes......................

2006-04-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

So I had a horrible day at work. I had 3 hours of sleep before an 830 staff meeting, then had to come to work at 6 and work till 130 am.... a entire rack of glasses fell and broke, it was busy dishes everywhere.... ARGGGGGGGG

Anyways

I visited my friend Crystal, whom I can't think of an effective nick name.... how about, Party History Girl... yeah, but I need to put her name in, so she makes the connection...

We had coffee and i finally got to meet her boyfriend, whose actually a really cool guy. I usually except assholes when I meet boyfriends. But he as not an asshole, he was a pretty laid back guy.

Its so nice when my friends date guys who aren't jerks.

so to all my lady friends, you better have high standards. Cause I certainly do for you. And if you don't meet them, I will kill these deviants off and bury them in Martha Pipers backyard. Thats right. Your heard me.

As for the guys... not so worried... mainly cause most guys are fairly stronger then girls, and able to defend themselves against attacks.... it doesn't always work so well, vice versa... although I'm pretty sure any of the girls i know can easily gouge eyes out and 'cut them off' if need be. Still, I have a little sparky, so I tend to be protective of girls, because its been breed into me. But so far, we've been on a good run of bfs.... we'll there are some 'ceptions (you know who you are).... but for the most part, I like Shrony's bf, I like Princess' boyfriend, and now I like HPG's boyfriend.... oh, and I tolerate Hockey girls boyfriend.... just joking.... or am I.... Any who.... Peace...

Triviapolooza

2006-03-27T01:18:00.000-08:00

Go here, I command you!

Chickpeas and Anne Rice

2006-03-25T15:28:00.000-08:00

So apparently WWoN wants to cook for me. She suggest salads and I tried it. It worked out well. Although, in the face of the chickpeas fiasco, I was worried. I mean, me and WWoN have different tastes. She's all vampires and darkness and I'm all catholic and not crazy.... she and me being friends is kinda like Anne Rice being friends with.................. Anne Rice (ha! I've been waiting to use that joke, that only people familar with Anne Rice will get)........... But now she wants to cook for me; this is what is called WWoNs Domestic Goddess mode, not to be confused with her Goddess of Death mode. This is going to happen on tuesday.

Scary

And so, what else. I went shopping with Lil'Persia, who must have her switch stuck on Domestic Goddess mode. SHe made me buy chickpeas, I ate them, they did not work.
So now I have some chickpeas if anyone wants any.

Nothing else is new.

So in short.

WWoN = Interview with a Vampire
KoM = Christ out of Eygpt
Chickpeas = Bad
Salad = better then chickpeas

....And also....

2006-03-19T03:08:00.000-08:00

Last Time, On King O'Mauve....

WWoN : "Tell me where the formula is!!!"
Lil'Persia: "Never!!!"

.... and also....

KoM: "If I fail to wash four racks of dishes for every two minutes, he will detonate the resturant, killing everyone."

.... and also....

Police Officer: "Your under arrest for the murder of Bill Clinton."
Sparky: "I think I need a lawyer."

... and also...

Hockey Girl's Boyfriend: "You!!! I thought you where dead!!!"
Shadowy Figure: "Yes(ribbit) but now I shall extract my horrific (ribbit) revenge "

... and also....

The Fiscally Conservative Bandit: "Yes, indeed, and now because of my evil genius, I shall finally solve the Conundrum of Manflation and RULE THE EARTH!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

... and also....

Mr. PARLIAMENT: "In light of recent events, and by the power invested in me by the Maryland Board of Education, I am declaring a state of martial law...."

And now, the exciting conclusion....

Anyways, I am writing once again after work, but i guess its okay, I done good work. but I forgot what I was going to write about. Any ways, I went shopping with Lil'Persia, which meant I couldn't buy unhealthy things, and apparently I had to buy chick peas. Now I have chick peas and I don't know what to do with them. I obviously have to stop hanging around women like this. What else is new. OH. Right! I almost forgot

I want to start a FAQ... unfortunately I am missing the Q part..... Therefore, I COMMAND YOU TO SEND ME QUESTIONS, AND I MEAN ALL OF YOU... perferably about me or the website, but they could be things like "Why are ballons red?" "What makes the sunshine?" "When is there going to be a new Briantorials?" "How is the Problem of Manflation solved?" "What are the Briantorials?" "What is Manflation?"

All very good questions, but I would rather have unique and perferably bizzare questions... I know some of you have like a ton of them... ahem.... Grillguy.... ahem.... WWoN....

Anyways....

NEXT TIME ON KOM

Mr. PARLIAMENT: "I don't care how many you have to kill, just assure that the job is done."

.... and also....

Lawyer: "So I said, listen buddy, I don't know what happened to your dog, and as for your grandmother, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that..."
Sparky: "I think I need a new lawyer."

... and also...

Queen of Shron: "We need to find a cure to the virus that we can live with"
Cowgirl: "I have a cure.... but we will need to kill KoM."
Queen of Shron: "Good, we'll go with that one."

... and also...

Grillguy: "The time of liberty is at hand, soon we shall be free of the Maryland Board of Educations iron grip!!!"
1000 Klingon Warriors: "Qapla'!"

... and also...

WWoN: "I thought I killed you!"
Skuul, the Dark Lord of Education: "Tales of my demiss have been greatly exagerated."

... and also...

Lil'Persia: "Mercury poisioning.... just as I suspected.... daminit I warned him.... WHY DIDN'T HE EAT THE CHICK PEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!"

... and also....

Kahn: "I am going to leave you as you left her.... buried alive.... alive...."
KoM: "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!!!"

Dark Lord of Dish

2006-03-16T02:27:00.000-08:00

I work as a dishwasher... usually there is two guys... not tonight... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... apparently having two guys on the weeknights is too expensive.... so I am rather sore tonight, if I may say so, and may be rather short with you...

SHUT UP!!!!

sorry, I digress... currantly I am trying to think of what to eat tommorow.... perhaps some pork, or steak or turkey or chicken... not fish, I've had my weekly quotiant of fish this week... Maybe I will try some of those recipes for okra, I find simply boiling it makes it slimy and gross... I am also wondering how I will be able to survive till easter without cafiene... I miss ice tea so much it hurts...

did I just not tell you to SHUT UP!!! JEEZ!!!

My apologies.... for your pleasure, a list

Top Ten things that Upset KoM at Work

10. sticky stuff
9. Servers who don't know what the word Enthusiams means
8. Servers in general
7. Square plates
6. people who linger in the bar after we have last call
5. staff members who linger in the bar after they are done
4. Dishguys who where able to get on the line, and come back into dish to mock me
3. People who try and hid their dirty dishes from me
2. Bar Porters, my Arch-Nemises
1. Gum stuck on plates by costomers

I have alot of anger.... mainly because of gum....

Hearts in Caflantis

2006-03-13T14:29:00.000-08:00

For reason only apparent to some small dedicated group of readers, I dedicate this post to Stephan King and Hockey Girl....

So I was playing hearts in the Cafeteria the other day... or more accurate, I was being used as a pawn between the players, one of the which was non other then Lil'Persia... Anyways, I was learning/proxy fighting a vietnamesque war (worked in Vietnam, hmmm, I can make a theme out of this). Strangely enough, I should really have been working on my essay.... Creepy....

Anyways I have decided I need to stay over summer to finish up my degree. Two more courses. But by god I will have my degree or I will have death; and not any normal death, a really cool, like eaten by a tiger, run over by a sentient car, attacked by cheesy short guys in yellow suits, or killed by a cell phone falling from a plane.... yeah, when I die, I want them to say "Boy, that guy really died."... well that was cheerful... point is I want my damn degree, I spent five years here, I want the piece of paper that says "KoM is a smart dude."

And mark my words, I shall succedd

Victory will be Mines

What else? Sparky got a new dog named Porthos, a golden retriever. So far we have had four golden retrievers... this breed of dog is becoming my families totem. hmmm, yes, totem... hmmmm... I hope Porthos doesn't get lost, theres alot of swamp to explore at my place...anyways.......

Have you seen KoM

A Six Year old Mauve Tabby
He's grumpy and likes to bite, never lets us pet him, often damages furniture
But we love him

Please call us if you see him

Hehe, beware of Pet signs..... and woman wearing bracelets

Don't worry, somebody gets the joke. Hockey Girl knows. WWoN probably knows some of it... hehehehe.... Lets just say that I have spent far too much time reading The Dark Tower and its little relatives....

and so ends the worlds biggest inside joke....

Profiles (kinda done)

2006-03-08T15:48:00.000-08:00

It occurs to me that after a year, the nicknames I use are forgoten and people forget which means what and what they are... you know who you are... anyways, this is the incomplete list of people I might write about

Family

Mom and Dad

Relation to Kom: ummmmm

Description: This is my mom and dad. Theres nothing too amazing about them, other then they brought me into the world. Dad likes to cut wood for a hobby and mom is really good at starting fires... a little too good.

Famous Quotes: "Don't worry [KoM], your mother was a bit of a firebug when she was younger"

Takes Over World Via: it would have to invovle wood of some kind, and auditing

Sparky

Relation to Kom: Sister

Description: Sparky is not your average teenaged girl. Whereas some teenaged girls are often cranky, sparky is always cranky; she bite me once over the remote.

Famous Quotes: "Shutup!"

Takes Over World Via: surly-ness

Grillguy

Relation to Kom:Brother

Description: The Grillguy has two mistresses; the grill and star trek. When he's not trying to switch the 'r' and the 'i' around <"Uh? they say>, he is a computer science student of some sort. He also has asperations in political science, and webcomics, and online publishing.

Famous Quotes: "KoM are you listening to me?" <"Ohhhhhhh," they said, "girl, I get it"

Takes Over World Via: a Trekkie revolution

Old School Friends

WWoN (Wicked Witch of the North)
Relation to Kom: Best Friend

Description: WWoN is the Cheat to my Strong Bad, the Spock to my Kirk, the Starbuck to my Apollo, the Reinfeld to my Dracula... well not quite, but she's definately my spock/cheat, informing me when I do something stupid... While she isn't reading vast stores of vampire litature, she is usually tormenting me for being so great... what can you do...

Famous Quotes: "Everybody is here, except for everyone whose not."

Takes Over World Via: Hoards of the undead

Hockey Girl

Relation to Kom: Friend

Description: Hockey girl is the most blogging blogger i know, and she usually is the one who tells me to write one of these things... Oh and she likes hockey, go figure. And she's a hardcore canadian nationalist... the good kind, not the kind that sucks.

Famous Quotes: "I'm holding on the earth, and the earth is holding on to me, because it loves me!"

Takes Over World Via: The NHL

Falkland Cowgirl

Relation to Kom: Friend

Description: My cheif scientific and pop culture advisor, Falkland cowgirl is a invaluable assest to my crack squad. She is currantly working on making my flying man eating cacti.

Famous Quotes: "Cheese is the Devil's plaything"... not actually hers, but she likes to use it

Takes Over World Via: Man Eating flying Catci.

Queen of Shron, (Shrony)

Relation to Kom: friend/enemy

Description: This self styled queen is currantly one of the few Catholic friends I have.... she is also one of my many enemies, working in tandem with her evil boyfriend to ruin my plans for world domination.

Famous Quotes: [In immitation of Peter Griffon's laugh] "eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh" and who can for get "Mmmmmmm, Justin Trudeau"

Takes Over World Via: The residents of her alternative dimesion she rules

New School Friends

Lil'Persia

Relation to Kom: Friend/diet coach (rather unsuccessfully)

Description: Persian, Little, what more can be said about her. She, along with being Iranian, is also American, which is the primary reason for the distinct lack of Canadian words, like "eh" and "touque", and "chesterfield" and "humility".

Famous Quotes: "I will slap you." [KoM] "how, you on the other end of town?" [LP] "I have my ways."

Takes Over World Via: pretty much like hitler

Mr. PARLIAMENT

Relation to Kom:Friend

Description: Our former glorious political leader, now our currant glorious fake-political leader. He knows everything about canadian politics, there is nothing that escapes his great and evil stare... Frankly, I'm a little scared of the guy... knows a little too much, if you know what i mean...

Famous Quotes: Please refer to KoM's book, "The Life and Times of Mr. PARLIAMENT."

Takes Over World Via: completely legal means.

Reverand MD

Relation to Kom: Friend/Spiritual advisor

Description: a Chaplin at our school. He manages some how, without being catholic, to be the Man. And although his humour is increasingly pun-based, he generally seems like a fun loving dude.

Famous Quotes:

Takes Over World Via: Puns?

Robertus

Relation to Kom: Friend

Description: Robertus is also Christian, and once again, not catholic. Some how he makes up for it throught the study of latin.

Famous Quotes: "Rex Mauvorum"

Takes Over World Via: a group of Crusading latin students.

Angliman

Relation to Kom: Friend

Description: Despite being Anglican, Angliman is not a bad person. He is a sub-deacon, which means he is like a regular deacon, except submersible.

Famous Quotes: "What?!?"

Takes Over World Via: The Anglicans

The Fiscally Conservative Bandit

Relation to Kom: Friend/Enemy

Description: FCB is pretty much as hard core capitalist as you can get. He uses economic theory to explain relationship problems (although, debatably I started that... I will do a Manflation post some time in the future). Since his world is money based and my world is me based, we will eventually come into conflict... it is only a matter of time.

Famous Quotes: "Gentlemen, I present to you, the poly-promiscuous Bougousie"

Takes Over World Via: Hanging to the coattails of Lil'Persia

Enemies of KoM (other then Shron... and Lil'persia... and WWoN...)

The Shriners

Relation to Kom:Hated Foes

Description: The shiners are the most sinister and evil wing of the Freemasons. Don't be fooled by their stupid hates and little cars... why do they torment me so..

Famous Quotes: "Oh, look at us, where shriners, lets put on stupids hats and drive around in our stupid cars, have a stupid circus and build a stupid hospital."

Takes Over World Via:Little cars and fez...es?

The Amish

Relation to Kom: Implacable foes

Description: Nobody knows what the amish have against me... But I see them stalking me... I see them in their carriages, waiting for me to let my guard down...

Famous Quotes:"Oh look at me, I'm amish and I don't use eletricity. Lets raise a barn."

Takes Over World Via: button up jeans

Maryland Board of Education

Relation to Kom: Arch-Nemisis

Description: Unfortunately, I can't go into too many details about this, because of pending litigation. I can tell you that it does invovle the theory of evolution, two dogs, and a truck full of German sausages, that some school claims I stole...

Where you not mentioned? Do you actually know KoM? Do you want on? leave a comment, and I will see what I can do about getting you in...
Famous Quotes: "Oh look at us, we're the Maryland Board of Education. We want our sausages back!"

Takes Over World Via: Stupid, stupid text books...

Rex Mauvorum vs. Complainers

2006-03-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

And so we come to....

Complaint #13

Issue: Your hypothecial and completely theorectical opposition to my ethnic holiday is offensive, in that the very thought that you could think to critize it is so repulsive, that I can not stand it. Therefore, I demand an apology for implying that you might do something.

Response: I would like to refer you to "Catcus Club Dishwashers United Guild vs. Maryland Board of Education", in which it was ruled that insults do not exist unless they are actually said; it is not insulting to imply that perhaps you might insult something in the future. Its the law, look it up.

And apparently, mentioning the word pizza pop, gets alot of comments... ironically, now that I said that there will be alot of comments because of the word pizza pop, there will probably be none.... unless now that I said that there will be no comments will cause people to say "ha, I'll show that Catholic Bastard."... unless then you see that and think, no I won't comment, kom expects it now.... unless... oh no, now my head hurts, peace out my Peoples...

Lent and Smoothies

2006-03-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Its lent, so I have to give something up... Cafiene... WWoN things I should give up cafiene permently, she thinks I'm an adict.... Lil'Persia thinks that I made a mistake and should have instead given up pork, mainly because she doesn't like pork

At this point, I should point out, that neither of these women are Catholics

And I am...

So the question becomes, why aren't I critizing how they celebrate Noruz or witches-burn-a-candle day?

Now I know what your thinking (what is Noruz?), and no, I am not suffering from caffiene withdrawl

I always shake violently... luckily I have found an ice tea (oh how I miss ye, dear nector of the gods) subsitute... I like to call it... the smoothie...

The Queen of Shron taught me this one... thanks Shrony... it invovles blending fruit with yogurt... it pleases me mightily

and lately I've been "trying to take care of myself" whatever that means... apparently it means not eating pizza pops and eating more vegtables... luckily I seem to be on the right track... I am not eating pizza pops, to the delight of LP, and I've been eating my weight in oranges, to the delight of WWoN...

A List for the people

Top 10 Things the King O'Mauve puts in a smoothies

10. oranges
9. Bananas (PENUT JELLY TIME)
8. more oranges
7. yogurt, something he would never eat voluntarily
6. soylent green
5. oranges
4. I have alot of oranges right now
3. vanillia
2. Ice
1. Pizza pops

THere you go... Peace out

One more time with Spirits that pull Runes from the Air

2006-02-23T23:48:00.000-08:00

Well... I had a post, but SOMEBODY ERASED IT.... you know who you are... so I had to start over again...

I even had a poem about wireless internet... alas, it is lost....

....forever....

But I love wireless internet, I think its the best thing ever... in fact, have have a great desire to free myself from wires... I want to get a better battery for this new beast in order that she can last more then the peasly two hours... stupid pentium processor.............. and oh! anything with the words bluetooth... if only to see if my little bluetooth light turns blue!

anyways, thats unfortunate
Many interesting things happend this week, some invovled stupid people, some invovled food...
for example
I know have to be healthy
I was told this
by a persian (not a stupid person)
and now I am eating carrots
and asperagus
aspergus when I could be eating pizza pops
and apparently I have to walk
and see a doctor (supid person?)
I don't know why... something about... dying... and the words "He died for pizza pops" on my grave...
so yes.... what else

Exams... History exams about Frenchmen and Germans.... some of which where stupid... except for Bismarck.... Bismarck was "the man"... not because of his international policies or because of unificiation or stuff... he just looked good... I mean come on... he looked awsome...

Anyways... thats all for now folks, ttyl

1020 years ago.

The dying King Harold Bluetooth lies on his death bed, and suddenly lurches up, surprising his surprising sons.

"FaÞer, what is it?" asks one of his sons.

"I had a vision," the old king declared, "Þat one day my name would be used to describe a powerful magic Þat could grap runes from the air. And people would remember my name more because of Þis powerful magic Þen my own accoplishments in Denmark"

"Þat's crazy," all of his sons said together.

"Oh, and Brian really likes Þe wireless," and with those dying words, Harold Bluetooth died.

which reminds me, go here

Its Like Some Kind of Belated V-day post!!!!

2006-02-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

So, WWoN, Lil'Persia wrote about you.... go here... she called you a powerful witch... she must be buttering you up....

Anyways, because its spring, I thought its about time to bitch about relationships. You see, I have a tragic problem: I am too attractive for normal people... its a burden I live with every day...
Then theres the other thing... I call it KoM's 2nd Relationship Paradox...
It goes like this: KoM needs this type of girl
1)Catholic
2)French Canadian
3)Sensible
4)Intelligent and Funny
5)Quiet

but instead he is attracted to this
1)Not Catholic
2)Not French
3)Borderline psychotic
4)Think they Intelligent and Funny
5)Not Quiet

.... you know who you are..... (Somewheres, at her Kitchen table, the girl KoM had a crush on in 3th grade looks up at her boy friend and says "I just had an epiphany... Ignorance really is bliss")

Luckily, because I'm so pretty, I haven't been in any trouble. But I reckon its only a matter of time before I end up being used for my good looks; people in China would probably pay to see me. Millions. But at this point, I wouldn't mind being used a bit... beauty is truly a curse....

Meanwhile....

A Seven story John Keats storms Naramata shouting "NAY, TRUTH IS NOT A CURSE! TRUTH IS BEAUTY, BEAUTY IS TRUTH!!!" Can History Donkey Fighter B stop this monstrosity? Will he ever defeat Mr. PARLIAMENT, find out next time, on KOM'S BLOG!!!!!

Random Stuff and Potlucks

2006-02-13T15:59:00.000-08:00

A few things for this post
1) Matt my friend is away in Brazil at the World Conference of Churches; check it out, http://www.koovinbrazil.blogspot.com/

2) Mr. PARLIAMENT, one of my many friends, seemed offended that he was not mentioned....
Complaint #12
Issue: I was not mentioned in one of KoM's posts.
Response: FOOL, NOW YOU SHALL BE MENTIONED IN EVERY IMAGINARY FOREY INTO POSSIBLE VERSIONS OF THE FUTURE, YOUR DOOM ASSURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so.....

Mr. PARLIAMENT becomes a six story version of himself who destroys Penticton, in my J-Biography

3) Potluckage
I was invited by the Queen of Shron and Cowgirl to a potluck, WWoN and the Quiet Girl where there. THere was much adventure, we had to get chairs from upstairs. Then we got Bridance, my personal compliation of music. I brought lansanga, only one peice left by the end of the night. Lamb (there was no typo, it was never lamp, it was always lamb) was also served (there you go Lil'Persia) and, and, and, Safferon ... Italian Rice Stuff.
So there you go, MR. PARLIAMENT, if safferon really does make stuff taste better, and Captain Kirk is indeed, superior to Captain Pricard.
Peace.....................................................................................................................................out

My Biography

2006-01-30T22:51:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that I do in fact now require a Biography. After all, how can I expect the world to learn of my great deeds if they are not some how recorded in writen/filmed medium. I have been in contact with several studios in order to sell the rights to my life story. Unfortunately, the only firm to return my call is a group of Japanese animators. They have agreed to tell the story of my life, but I've found that they require several... adaptations... in order to make the translation into Japanese.
For example... instead of my original title "The King of Mauve: Paths of Glory" it will be called "Donkey History Fighter B: Lucky Man of Adventure" ... other changes include...
- grillguy goes from being my brother to being a yellow beaver called Grillchu whose mystical powers are contained within a small red ball
- Sparky my sister grows a tail and cat ears; increased giggling
- WWoN goes from my best friend into being a 7 story tall firebreathing monster called Wwonaru that destroys Vernon
- Lil'Persia will be able to unfold into a thirty foot robot that destroys Kelowna
- Cowgirl and Shron will beable to join their powers to fight evil
- Retro girl is obssessed with Japanese music instead of weastern music, and instead of hockey, sumo wrestling (Josh is a sumo wrestler)
- Instead of being an excetric guy who has delusions of grandure, I will be a young warrior who fights the forces of evil with my massive sword of justice, Acer..... and also, I will have blue hair.
Although the anime movie is not out yet, the company has already released the magna version... it is prooving to be very popular with girls under 13 and middle computer programers... And soon... Riches...

THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD: XMAS

2005-12-24T17:55:00.000-08:00

THE BIRTH OF RATHER IMPRESSIVE KID

Christ was born in a manger, because apparently, every other room was taken. The innkeeper later noted that he might have made an error in judgement. Now, as we all know, Jesus was no ordinary child: he also attracted shepards. This is a good thing, because shepards had sheep. And sheep are always a good thing (Rule #134). And Shepards can fight off kangeroos
The Iranians, as always, where late, bearing gifts of myrh, frakenscence and gold... thus the Iranians began the commercialization of Christmas. Thanks alot guys. Thanks... alot...

THE KING OF MAUVE'S CHRISTMAS ADRESS

MY PEOPLE, I WISH YOU ALL A MERRY X-MAS

Now, a list of people that should be thanked

Lil'Persia, for being a kick-ass person
The girls downstars, Shron and the Cowgirl, for letting me hang out. You have no idea how cool you guys are.
For all my X-ian bros and siseseseses this x-mas eve. Keep up the xing
For WWoN, Keep doing whatever the hell your doing
The Family, you grillguy, sparky, mom and dad
FOR EVERYONE, HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS

History of the World Part 2: Romans on Ice

2005-12-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

Meanwhile... in The Americas

Mesoamerican cultures build massive cities and extensive agriculture, develop states, armies, writing systems and culture, seek out and annex territory... Still no civilization... I mean, come on, that doesn't even look like a Pyramid, for frick sakes... And lets face it, the wheel... come on people, its not rocket science, its the wheel! Does Euroasia have to do everything?

But Little did they suspect... Isreal

Isreal was suffering from a plauge of prophets. They noted serious social problems in Isreal: the plight of widows and childern, the unfair treatment of foriegners, and currupt business practices. This was unamerican, therefore wrong. Often times these disgusting and reviled madmen where driven to the moutains. In retrospect, this only made things worse.

And China

Pretty much the Chinese just came into existance... They just arrived and set up cities... and its pretty much been the same since... and Confucious, he knows

Back to the Important part, aka, Europe

After driving the Iranians out of Greece, the Greeks done went and conqoured the Iranians. This proved to be a mistake. The Greeks should never control anything beyond their little rocks they call Greece. Immidiately after the death of their king, Al, the Greeks predictably began to fight amoungst themselves. Spliting the Empire up, they where quickly Conqoured by the Romans.

The Romans: Roman around the World

The Romans are noted for being the worlds first proffessional Imperialist. Outside of that, they where concerned primarily with building roads and marching in squares. It was a winning combination. Rather then wasting time inventing stuff, they prefected other peoples inventions; thus leading to Roman roads, Roman philosophy, Roman highways, Roman government, Roman paths, Roman hands, Roman side walks. They did however, invent the Emperor, which replaced the senate. The Senate was bad, because it proved to be unamerican. The Emperor ruled with a iron fist; this is a good thing. The Romans went on to conqour the known world, which wasn't very much. They proved unable to conqour the Iranians.... nobody understands why... but most are sure it invovles kangeroos... fricken kangeroos

KoM'S HISTORY OF THE WORLD

2005-12-07T22:17:00.000-08:00

... fine, here, entertain yourselves with this...

IN THE BEGINING... MAN

As we all know, God made man out of dust... this sucked, so god made something better out of ribs... thats why KoM always eats dust in a rib eating competition with WWoN... she can back those things like an angry tazmanian devil... anyways...
These are the ancestors of the King of Mauve... well their the ancestors of every... except you WWoN... you heard me... but we all know who their favorite grand child is, lets not kid ourselves...

STEP TWO- INSERT CIVILIZATION

There are really four places where civilization occured... North America totally doesn't count... Niether does Australia, fricken kangeroos... those places are China, Egypt, India and MESOPOTAMIA... These people lived in virtual despotic paradises, living off the land and in houses, some of them even had plumbing... Then a group of cow hearding jerks invaded India and ruined everything... stupid Indo-Europeans... The Indo-Europeans then invaded every thing they could invade, all the way to Ireland... And then for good measure, they invaded everything all over again, except for Ireland (Invading Ireland by nessecity created the Irish, the most vile and upseting people the world knows)... and then they invaded everything again... stupid jerks, ruined everything... fricken kangeroos... Along the way some of the Indo-Europeans became tired, and stopped in present day Iran... thus giving Iran its ancient Indo-Iranian name, which translates to "I ran, but I could not keep up"... fricken Kangeroos...

THE SMOOTH SOUNDS OF THE CLASSICAL AGE

At some point the realization dawned upon the Indo-Europeans that if they kept invading westward, they would eventually hit the alantic and drowned. So they decided to take a break and build stuff. Thus Athens was founded by the famous chicken head eating tribe of Indo-Europeans, the Greeks. Athens was a democracy in which everyone who was an old third generation Athenian male was allowed to decide the fate of everyone else. This is one of the major influences of the American founding fathers, another bunch of old guys who decided the fate of everyone else... stupid Ben Franklin and his stupid kite... To the south, came Sparta, a bizzare militaristic sexually confused city state, who wasn't sure about how to feel about Athens; so the Spartans beat the ever living crap out of them. Sparta has also made a significant contribution to western society (militarism, women in short skirts, a spartan existance, men in short skirts, gay bars, and the famed spartan weapon, the Goat-Cannon). Then the Iranians invaded(or more accurately, they finally caught up); predictably, they where driven off, unused to the raw power of the Goat-Cannon and the raw sexual power of soliders in short skirts and politicians in bed sheets. Then the Athenians tried to build an empire, which the spartans destroyed, and then everything was destroyed by the Romans.

Blah and ebay

2005-10-30T16:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, not much to say, doing too much work I guess...
But lets see whats new...
... probably need a new computer... time to talk to WWoN and Grillguy
... speaking of which, WWoN is going in for her drivers license, good luck to her...
... and Grillguy has been elected to the chair of the computer science students council at his school...
sigh, just too much damn work to do, screw it, time for a list...

Top Ten Things to buy on Ebay, in honour of WWoN

10) Canadian Weather Stick
9) Dead Rubber Duckie
8) A Bust of Elvis reimagined as the Devil.... Helvis
7) Save Your Marriage - With The Real Asian Marriage Coin
6) Entire Nation of Brironia
5) SIGMUND FREUD plush doll
4) Jay Leno unofficial hair coloring kit
3) Male chastity device
2) WWoN's Soul and an empty can of concentrate orange juice
1) The dignity of Mankind

Are they Real? are they fake? I can tell you some of them are indeed fake... and so I shall continue my dreadful life of essays and dishwashing... good luck to you out there, I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together.

Birthdays (REVISED)

2005-10-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUR MAJESTY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.... and many more, from channel four... so yeah, my birthday came around, which leads me to make two statements.
1) Everyone who forgot my birthday sucks
2) Witches are the second best people in the world, after Catholics
Thank you WWoN for the phone...
Thank you person who I shall refer to as Lord Ubco for remembering
Thank you Lil'Persia for belated remeberance... I shall remember not to have you destroyed in the future...
In related news I have a phone, those of you who I wish to call I shall send the number... the rest of you, sod off...

PS
Apparently I forgot some things...
Thank you Hockey Girl, you where indeed the first on my birthday to remember
Thank you Grill guy, your ukulele is indeed glorious
Thank you Sparky, for being so cool
Thank you Mother and Father, of course you remembered
Thank you Crazy little history girl, for the pre-empetive strike on my birthday
Thank you Citizens of Brironia for the lovely Sheep, they will make a fiting sacrifice
Thank you Scientist-cowgirl and Queen of Shron, you too remembered, even if you weren't there or in some cases, forgot, to mention it, but you said it afterwards, so don't worry about it Shrony
Thank you Bill Cosby, for years of comedy

which leads me to complaint #11

Issue: Wasn't mentioned in Birthday issue

Response: its my party and I can cry if I want to

A Random Post... about food.... no wait... about cars... and naramata

2005-09-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

Well I guess I better say something....

Something about food apparently... blame Hockey-girl for that... Alright... lets go....

No, lets not write about food, that does not appeal to me right now... neither does the rain, but thank you for the suggestion Hockey-girl...
I desperately want gas prices to go down, and I feel guilty about that. I know some of you are saying "yeah, so what, your catholic, you feel guilty about anything; come to think of that, since you don't drink heavily, its the only thing that makes you catholic. whats up with that?" and to WWoN I say, you don't have to drink heavily to be catholic. Which is probably a good thing, cause I need the money to buy gas. I wish I could be a good global citizen and stop driving my car, and take the bike, or the bus, or ride a dragon to school. But I love my ugly green car, that WWoN thinks I should replace along with my ugly red phone. But I love it, its mine, its like my most valuable possession... I don't own my own place, but dammit, I own my own car, and its my car, and its green and it stalls when it gets too hot, but its mine and I love it. BUT THE GAS. But I'm not one of those guys who thinks we should, as a society, deliberately go out of our way to lower prices by dropping taxes... I mean, the Free market is once in its life doing something beneficial for the enviroment and our society as a whole, and we want to stop it. Ugh, human beings are so self-centered and short-sighted. And I'm just like everyone of them, cause I love that stupid green peice of crap in the under ground garage of my apartment. And I wish I could drive it up and down the fricken valley. Thank god for gas prices, or I would probably be lost in the back roads behind Naramata if it wasn't so expensive.
Wow, that was an editorial, sure, that will do, have a nice night, I'll be here all week, try the veal.

Life in an Apartment Leased by a University for Residence

2005-09-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS POOR SOULS. BEHOLD, I SHALL ENLIGHTEN YOU. AND YEA, YOU SHALL BE ENLIGHTENED.... Well, I'm in Residence... Yeap... an in town residence leased by the school for two years. Its pretty clean, which is a bonus, and theres brand new appliances, and a stove that has digital heating. I have two roomates, but more about them later when I develop appropriate nick names. There are four floors, and I am on the forth floor. we still need a mircrowave, and I hate coin operated laundry, but other then that its awsome. Other good news about the place, I live directly above the Cowgirl-Scientist and the Queen of Shron. This pleases me. and I have a blacony. I won a drinking container today at orientation. I plan to put it to good use, that is, I plan to fill it with Ice Tea.... mmmmmm, ice tea.... sweet nector of the gods... mmmmmm...
anyways, another list

Top Ten Free Things to get from the University

10. Thermal Mug.... mmmm, ice tea... sweet nector of the gods... mmmm
9. Pizza.... mmmm, pizzza.... sweet ambrosia of the gods...
8. Planner.... mmmm.... wait, thats not food based...
7. International Student ID... now were ever I go, I am officially known as dirt cheep
6. industructable water bottle... mmmmm, ice tea... sweet nector of the gods... mmmm
5. Credenzas.... well, the University doesn't actually 'know' that their giving them away... but they are any ways... nugde nudge, wink wink, say no more
4. Condoms... not that I you know... you know... but... they make great ballons
3. UBC ID cards.... yes, yet anouther peice of plastic that benifits me in no way whatso ever
2. Various t-shirts related to leadership, creativity, Cheese, diversity, ect ect
and the

and the number one most bestest thinga-ma-jig is.....

1) The bookmark of things everystudent should get down... cause after four years in school, theres no way a bunch of upperclassmen could know what the hell their doing...

which leads us to...
Complaint #9
Issue: Inappropriate use of the word condom
Response: Well I'm not *paying* for ballons!

Complaint #10
Issue: too much subtle passive aggressive sarcasm directed at school...
Response: Bite me, Margret Pipper....

Back in Kelowna

2005-08-22T12:44:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I'm back and searching for a new place to live. I was trying to get to this place up past Glenmore, but the lady who gave instructions over the phone gave me the wrong house number. Luckily I was able to contact her and see the place. So far I've seen some nice one bedrooms but I'm technically suppose to be looking for two bedrooms. None of the people I left messages with have called yet... I guess I'll have to try other places
sigh, I just want this to be done with
Anywho, what else
I've gone out the last three nights in a row. thank god I'm staying home tonight or I would never get any sleep. so yeah, I've seen almost everyone I'm going to see this year. Except for the Witch, and thats tommorow. We're going to do something, neither of us are really sure what; thats the beautiful part of our friendship, we don't actually need any form of plan to have fun. So I guess the next thing on the agenda, after figuring out where to live, is going to get a job... no scratch that, phone, then job, in fact, phone should be part of tommorows plan, I need to renew my phone, and start thinking about getting a better plan, cause I suspect where ever I end up, my cell phone will be my primary phone; and the 'brick' as the witch likes to call it, won't do, it doesn't get good enough reception. But thats for tommorow, and for the first little bit, I will use the brick cause I got nothing better. Then I need to start the job hunt, probably begining at fast food places, cause I'm going to school and most fast food places don't like to hire full time anyways.
Bah... What a menial set of chores... I AM THE KING O' MAUVE, TREMBLE BEFORE MY MIGHTY MIGHTINESS! LET THERE BE A LIST

THE KINGS TOP TEN NATIONS

10: France... Cheese, Wine, whats not to like
9: Scottland... the only nation where wearing a skirt is a sign of a healthy hetrosexual male
8: Russia... just so cool, Soviet Union, enemy of the United States... so cool
7: Austrio-Hungary... its like Canada if Canada doesn't work
6: Australia... is like Canada but south
5: The Sovereign Military Order of Malta... the worlds strangest sovereign entity
4: Cheeseland .... mmmm, cheese
3: The Vatican... go figure
2: Canada... of course, jeez you guys, did you think I wouldn't but it in
And last but not least, the greatest nation to every grace the world stage

1: Brironia...

which brings us to...
Complaint #8.
Issue: (The United States/Ireland/Switzerland/Iran/the Roman Empire/Finland/San Marino/the Red cross/Akusthana/Liechtenstein/UBCO) was not mentioned
Response: go write your own lists!

To those of you that take issue with my blog...

2005-07-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

I hate to say this guys, but my life is not a series of cliff-hanging fist fights, mystery, fast car chases, and even faster women. Surprising, but true. And apparently, this has been getting some commplaints.

Complaint # 1:
Issue: Brian's blogs are too short
Response: I have not been put on earth to ammuse some of you (you know who you are)... geez... I don't get paid to write this thing after all... this is begining to sound familar... perhaps its time to expalin the Briantorials to those who don't know (See Below)

Complaint #2
Issue: Not enough conservative Social commentary
Response: I don't know why some of you, one of you, a fairly conservative redheaded dude I know, expect me to use my blog to fight the godless hoards of communists. And whats really annoying is that this complaint leads to...

Hypothetical Complaint #3
Issue: Not enough liberal social commentary
Response: Yeah, I know who you are, you thought it as soon as you read number 2... Listen you guys, my blog is not becoming some sort of mini-Viatnam for social justice. You want to fight the cold war, do it on your own blogs. I have my own wars to fight, like the one that invovles bacon and monkeys...

Complaint #4
Issue: Blog not cheerful enough, lacks energy, lacks happiness, depressing
Response: You are no longer allowed to read my blog, pick up your clown suit and go.

Complaint #5
Issue: Not enough Star Trek Related material
REsponse: I will work on it, but theirs very little place for Scotty in my kingdom.

Complaint #6
Issue: Writer is surly, needs an attitude adjustment, lives like a hermit
Response: I got people working on it. Several people are out to 'change me'. STay tuned for results. Maybe they'll just give up, like the Witch.

Complaint #7
Issue: Writer is too sexy, needs to decrease sexiness, mmmm, damn that king is hot
Response: I will try and turn down the heat, but what can I say, when you got it, flaunt it.

Thats it for now.

Oh right, Briantorials
What are the Briantorials, the Briantorials are the predessecor of this blog, I guess, where I took every day events in my friends lives, and made them into mythic adventures.
thats all, all complaints can be forwarded to my cheif of staff. Thank you, hold your questions till the next press conference.

Gone for the Weekend

2005-07-23T03:19:00.000-07:00

Greetings. I am gone visiting relatives that I have never seen for the weekend. This is to assure those who might be concerned or enraged over me not being on msn; some of you might miss my witty banter; WWon of you will miss my poor attempts to entertain you all.
This trip will require me meeting new people; new people bother me. (KoM imagines response: WWoN 'snort', Hockey-Girl 'I don't understand why you don't just get a drink and go wild', Lil'Persia 'Hey! I was a new person', Sparky 'Grow up KoM', Grillguy 'I say nothing applicable to this blog')

Anywho, I guess thats another short entry. I'll be back sunday evening. Keep alive.

This ones for the Witch

2005-07-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I have to make another posting. Apparently, WWoN is bored.
Lets take a minute, and reflect on this. The King is minding his own business, happily reading about aliens and fun stuff. WWoN swoops down, like an MSN hawk and demands he makes a new blog posting. Why did the King give in?

Rule Number One

Fighting with Woman is like fighting with the sea. You only end up getting stung by a jelly fish in the end.

So I decided to post a blog.
Sparky is in the okanagan, she is visiting friends... this is the biggest thing going on.
I have no home in the Okanagan, my roomates are selling the house, so I have a team working on finding me some place new.
I come back on the 18th of august, come back to the Okanagan that is.
And apparently, WWoN is very very bored.

Thats the news for now.

Oh, right, I have founded a secert society to rule the earth from behind th scenes, sort of like the freemasons or templars, but cooler, we have cheese. So far, I have two memebers... MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH, sooon I shall rule the WORLD!!!!!!

Next week: The King of Mauve explains Rule Two: Never let a dog eat twice its wait in Costco muffins.

Forth of July

2005-07-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

"Your Majesty, your Canadian, why are you doing a post on the forth of july?"
"Because I want to."

Because, long ago, several middle class white anglo-saxon protestants got together in a room and said "No, we're not going to pay taxes for basic civil services and defense. We want a seat in a Parliament thousands of miles away, accross a ocean." And when the British refused these so-called utterly outragous demands, these men new they had the entire support of the colonies, or at least one third of the colonies, behind them. And indeed they where able to do so, and in their victory, they founded a nation based on freedom, a nation which if you where a middle class white anglo-saxon protestant and not a loyalist, you where free to fall and rise as you may. As for the loyalist, that foolish third, they moved to Canada and created Ontario... so to my American niehbors, I say thanks alot, eh, those hooser out in Ontario are crazy-go-nuts.

Canada Day

2005-07-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

Many Years Ago, the founding fathers of Canada gathered together. They looked to the east and saw London. And yea, the French did say "Lo, behold, let us curse London, and raise the middle finger towards it." But the English did say "Lo, that is a bad idea, verily, the British shall bring forth their mighty ships and tea cups and make us pay for our transgression." And the English looked to the South, and saw Washington. And yea, they did say "Let us instead curse Washington, and throw rotton eggs at the palace of their mad King, and throw verily great tolite paper rolls over their trees." But it was said by the wise "Nay, for the Americans are quite disagreeable about such things. They tend to be grumpy and gassy, and they would release their raging hoards of drunken Irishmen upon our nation, as we have already seen." So they looked at each other, and decided "Lo, if their is none we can finger, and throw eggs and tolite paper at, let us finger and throw eggs and tolite paper at each other, and continually threaten to seperate over matters of langauge and polution. And let some of us live far away in the west, but the rest of us in the east. And let each province be radically and totally different from each other. And let the French select angry racists and nationalist as their leaders, and the east select bigots, and let the farest reaches of the west only select criminals as their leaders. Let the east coast be filled with people who speak english with such accents, they are hardly understandable, and let the west be filled with a mystical magical plant, that makes people very happy. And let the only thing that unites these people are their mutal loathing of each other, which is only out down by their fear and haterd of their southern neihbors, who are only vaugely aware of their existance anyways."
And yea, on that day, Canada was born. And it was ruled by a drunken womanizing Scot.
Happy Canada day.

He Considered Carefully what to write, in those early morning hours, and began his wicked art...

2005-06-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

I need to get onto morning shifts... this stupid night shifts are ruining me... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH KUNG-FU: THE LEGEND CONTINUES IF I DON'T GET UP BEFORE TWELVE IN THE MORNING... so yeah, its like 2 am and I just got back from work... morning shifts, though, would be sweet, done by two, beable to eat a real meal for supper... that would be awsome...
... and it makes things difficult for me, I can hardly talk to my witch but seven minutes a day... shameful... luckily many others are still in contact... MR. PARLIAMENT I see form time to time, I see a man who we shall call Darth Rob online, and the Anglican Acolayte, I rarely see the Cowgirl, speaking of Anglicans, and even rarer is the Queen of Shron... But I get to talk to lil'persia, Hockey Girl, and, lets call her... High Pitched Voice Girl (HPVG) a fair bit...
so I guess I shouldn't complain... but if I shouldn't complain whats the use of a blog... why was I writing on here again... I forget, I'lll be here all week, try the Veal!

Apparently, I need to post...

2005-06-17T11:01:00.000-07:00

... Or so Hockey-girl tells me... and the Witch.... so here I go... Ontario is not like the valley... you see, the valley does not really have 'weather'... for all intents and purposes, the valley plugs along at its normal mild self for the majority of the year... even when it snows, it doesn't truly snow in the Canadian sense... maybe in the Persian sense, but the only Persian I know spent a great deal of her life in Nebraska, so I suspect that its mild compared to that... but Ottawa and the swamps have "WEATHER"... when it snows, it snows, Planes stop, government grinds to a halt, there would be chaos in the streets if it wasn't too cold to go outside... luckily, where canadians and we can handle that... when it gets hot, its like you walked into some equatorial wonderland, with misquitoes as big as your arm, and other strange and wonderful bugs that bit at you... this is the sort of semi-tropical heat that they never talk about in the United States; I think Americans live under the impression that Canada is cold in the winter, ergo the summers must be cold... this couldn't be farther from the truth... so for the past four days or so, it was hot... then god changed his mind, and one night rain broke out... the valley doesn't really get 'rain' cause of the mountains... the western coast gets most of the rain... but in Ottawa, it rains like there is no tommorow... and Lightning...
In other news, a grave and horrifying beast as struck at wendies... Racoons... everyone fears them, few are willing to brave the dumpster except for grill guys (more on this, see the trekie website). There seem to be very few large predators in the valley, being probably replaced by man, so raccoons seem to elict the same reaction as a bear or a mountain lion wandering into town back in BC. Strange... Very Strange...
Anywho, thats all for now...
BEHOLD, THIS ENTRY IS OVER, SO SAYS I, KING OF MAUVE, LORD OF CYAN, DUKE OF TEAL

A long time ago, in a Province far far away...

2005-05-18T09:46:00.000-07:00

Well, I wanted to document the WONDERS OF THE FAR EAST, but somebody drained the batteries of the camera, so I guess it will have to wait till next post. So I leave you instead, with some words of wisdom...

"The Valley Shall soon go to hell in a Louis Vuitton Handbag without your [my] ruling quality" - from The Wisdom of Hockey Girl

"Everyone is Here, except for the people who left." - from The Book of WWoN

"Cornflakes" - Riker the Dog

"ALL PRAISE THE ALL MIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL SEEING KING OF MAUVE, MAY HE, WHO IS SO ENLIGHTEN, BLESS MY EVER SO HUMBLE BLOG WITH HIS FAMOUS WIT AND LIGHT HUMOR!!!!" - from The Life and Times of a Trekier (no joke, I did not write this myself)

There you go folks, should hold you off till i get the camera charged!

And Little did they Suspect, the King Too was Plotting against them...

2005-05-14T09:37:00.000-07:00

OH AND YE WHO DO NOT FEAR ME, SHALL MEET MY WRATH....
So, I spent my first real days at work! How was it? Lets put it this way, as a summer job, it will do, but its not something you want to be doing for the rest of your life, thats for sure. Any ways, I am a 'Grillguy' which means I cook the hamburgers, amoungst a variety of other things. Now apprently, being a 'Grillguy' means I'm part of some sort of bizzare elite group of 'grillguys' who all seem to know each other. And my brother is part of this bizzare fraternity. Ahhhhh, it begins to make sense. Yesterday, the grillmaster, wasn't there, but still, i could feel his presence "your brother's hilarious, you don't talk as much as he does, if you want to be a good grill guy, don't do anything your brother tells you.' That sort of thing. Some of you are aware of the nature of fast food (WWoN of us, at least has worked at a certain competitor; I'm not naming names, but this company seems to have a thing about monarchies).
And Lil'Persia, you'll be happy to know that i understand what you mean when you talk of 'not being hungary' after cooking all day. Apparently, according to others, you body can literally absorb the nutrieants coming off the food. After spending several hours on the grill, I had to make myself... it was late, 9 pm, and I had not eaten since morning. However, the question then is, why do I not experience this while cooking at home... well, if I may speculate 1) usually when I cook big, I have people helping me, allowing me to escape the kitchen 2) in other cases, I ususally only cook enough for me 3) I am very big, and absorb a smaller percentage of nutrients then you, who are very small.
In other news, a friend, whom we shall refer to as MR. PARLIAMENT, will be celebrating yet another year of life. Congradulations to the Right Honarable Prime Minister of the UBC Parliament.
Yes, so if this is subdued and sad, as SOME of us (notably a certain Moonshiner out there, you know who you are) tough cookies, good night everyone, I'll be here all week, try the Veal!!!

Meanwhile, Back in Onatrio...

2005-05-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS SMALL BEINGS, BEHOLD MY MIGHTY GLORY AND MY GLORIOUS MIGHT, I AM THE KING O'MAUVE... so yeap, my first day at working at wendy's, yay, it was only orientation... this should be... interesting... Their orientation videos are interesting... strange... cult-like...
Hmmm, need to get a new set of postcards for the girls... I like to ammuse myself by sending postcards to the girls... plus I've picked up new members of 'the girls' so I will need to buy extra cards...
Lets see, while WWoN is heavily medicated, because of a incident that invovled the removal of teeth... its so fun to talk to heavily medicated people!
hmmm, this blog needs something more.

Lets do a list: THINGS THAT PLEASE ME ABOUT ONTARIO

- my swamp
- the currant lack of cold and rain
- my xbox (yay)
- my fat orange and white cat, Zacheriah
- historical buildings
- Museums, Museums, Museums
- The manifold libraries, thank you to Carleton and Ottawa Univ for use of your lovely facilities, not that you knew it
- every where is named -ville(Kemptville, Brockville, Spencerville[aka, Brian's town, techinically]), or they have really bizzare names, like Millar's Corner, or Oxford Station
- The Kanata shopping center
- the word Kanata
- being able to see all the sites of Ottawa, such as the Parliment buildings, the really big churches, the Revenue Canada HQ (it is literally a dark castle), even that ugly pile of concreate and jutting metal the Americans call an embassy
- being with my family... most of the time... ahem...

Thats all for now folks, Live Long and Prosper!

WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORD

2005-05-04T16:54:00.000-07:00

PITIFUL BEINGS, LEND ME YOUR EARS... My friend, whom we shall call, Falkland Cowgirl, has gotten a car... but no ordinary car, NAY, nothing less then a Ford Tempo... As some of you know, I too once owned a Ford Tempo, but a rainy day and an incident that may have invovled shriners changed all of that... still a noble car, like the model T but with more colours.
speaking of cars, my brothers car was attacked by a bird again. I will list the currant number of attacks.
1) Turkey
2) Owl
3) Sparrow

I'm starting a pool to bet on whats going to attack his car next
The currant contenders:
Hawk, eagle, magpie, robin, cardinal, pigon, Joe clark, chicken, duck, goose, pheonix, Ostriche

The tables close next monday

thank you for your time, please leave by the left and right exits.

I Have Arrived

2005-04-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

HELLO SMALL CREATURES, I AM THE KING OF MAUVE, AND I HAVE COME TO THIS PLACE CALLED ONTARIO TO RULE IT... so here I am... In ontario, and jeez, the weather is sort of cold and raining... its shocking in exchange to the Okanagans sun... But theres much coolness out here, old things, houses, my house, my siblings... speaking of which, its time for some... profiles... of my siblings

Class: Brother
Code Name: Grill Master
Speciality: Asian Foods and Guitar strings
Pysch Profile: Believes himself to be a super intelligent Beaver. Usually stable, unless brought into range of former canadian politicans

Class: Sister
Code Name: Sparky
Speciality: Horses and writing stuff thats stranger then the stuff I write
Pysch Profile: Highly unstable. Attempting to change channel, get on computer, or setting fire to dogs will result in pain while she is in room.

Those are my siblings, so yeap, I will need to find new serva... friends... in Ontario... worry not, I shall have control over this province soon enough... I will have the EAST AND WEST!!!!! THE SHRINERS CAN'T STOP ME NOW!!!!!!

2005-04-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

The Kings Final Words Before Leaving this Valley

2005-04-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

To you, my friends I say fairwell; I shall go forth to conquor a land in the distant east, a land called by some, Ontario... Many of you are afraid, but fear not, for I still have eyes and ears in this valley... So I say onto you, Fairwell you Witches of the north, you Queens of Journalism, Fair well you Protestants and Persians, you Cowgirls and Catholics, Fair ye well Students and Workers of this valley... keep well my lake safe, if I come back and its gone, heads will roll... BEHOLD, I YOUR KING, BID YE TO DO WELL!

I HAVE CONQUERED ANOTHER SEMESTER

2005-04-23T16:15:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS FRAIL BEINGS, I YOUR LORD AND KING, HAVE SUCCEDED IN VANQUISHING YET ANOTHER TEST!!!!
so ends school for four months and I will soon head off the Ottawa, to be with my family... and play in my swamp... and Halo, probably lots of Halo... but yeah, not many of you morons out there, so I might try and find different morons... I went out to eat ribs with the wicked witch of the north... mind you, some of those ribs are more charcoal then rib... sad, WWoN's stomach did not like it... Now mind you, Hockey girl is out right finished school, and I am not, but when she finished her last classes, she put song lyrics on her blog... so I will write a song, in order to express my feelings

Oh, Philosophy, history, astronomy, and the economy
all of these 'e's are greaty
But the best of all the 'e's
Is one you do not knowy
...
Mauvography, Mauvography
the greatest e there is
there is not greater study
then the study of what mauve is

Mauvography, Mauvography
can you feel it in your bones
its better then archelogy
But it doesn't have Indiana Jones

So remember young, student
if you like the colour mauve
to head down to the university of kent
and request a class in the cove

Mauvography, Mauvography
its what I teach to my kin
Some others might like Tealology
but their plauged vice and sin

Thank you, I'll be here all night, try the veal, its spiced with paprika

2005-04-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

AND YE, THERE WAS A GREAT REJOICING AT THE PRESENCE OF THE KING, AND HE DID SAY "My brother hit a turkey today.... with his car.... not his hand... And it left a dent in his roof, some scratches, and wing impressions in dust... that seemed significant... I think I might write a poem about it... ahem...

An Odd to a Turkey

Behold, the wild Turkey!
Does not like Jerky!
It came across Shawns Car
And up it flew quick
leaving a great mar
and giving shawn a facial tick

Anyways, that is exciting... now we must discuss nationstates... because I have been recruiting... first Lil'Persia... and then, a man, who can only be refered to by one name... THE BLOW... now, THE BLOW greatly enjoys his politics, especially conservative politics... and THE BLOW will probably greatly enjoy his nationstate... so... in other nationstate news, my sister, who we can call Sparky, was recruited by my brother, who we shall refer to as the Grillmaster, and so soon we shall build in our little region a little Utopia for our family... It will be great

Theres a new pope, for those of you who didn't know. Oh, I'm Catholic, for those of you who didn't know. So I was pleased. Very pleased.

This One is for Lil'Persia

2005-04-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

CITIZEN OF EARTH, PREPARE TO MEET THE CLOSEST THING YOU'LL COME TO A DEMI-GOD, I BRIAN.

So this is for Lil'Persia, cause she bitched at me to do it... so ummm, yeah some weird things happened yesterday... apparently, Lil'Persia's best friend, who we shall call... Girl-who-would-kill-you-before-looking-at-you (GWWKYBLAY... Blay for short) was the best friend of none other then the WWoN in sixth grad... so there you go, I managed to reunite two long lost friends, all in a days work... ummm, what else... Lil'Persia made me food yesterday... silly girl... if you feed me, I may never go away... ummm, need something more for this blog... oh, yeah

Ode To Mario

Mario, Oh Mario
The King cannot Play you, oh
And Neither can my Persian
Who rather then Preform Feats
Play the Illicit version
And Use the Rewind Cheat

2005-04-15T14:31:00.000-07:00

I, Your King, in all my glory, doth declare that you shall visit and see all of my sites, OR SUFFER THE CONSQUENCES.
ahem, right, so I am happy, because I am researching De Chardin and I'm getting articles coming out the wazoo here. Yes! I Rule!
So some interesting things to occur.
A friend, who we shall refer to as Hockey Girl, got rather plastered last night... and she left a post on The Wicked Witch of the North's blog, that was rather ammusing. I enjoyed it. It made my day.
Also, Lil'Persia made the mistake of asking for my birthday, and then refusing to give me hers in return. YOU WILL RUE THE DAY LIL'PERSIA, I SHALL HAVE WHAT I SEEK. She has already lost though, silly persian.
Soon school will be over and I will go back to ontario... I will miss my friends... but most of all... I will miss my libary... 10-4 little buddy, keep yourself safe till I get back... don't loose any of your books...

BEHOLD, I AM HERE

2005-04-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS PATHETIC CREATURES, I AM THE KING O' MAUVE!!!
Okay, so there isn't much Mauve, and there isn't much to write about, so let me explain some things about me. I am a History major, somewheres in Canada... Kelowna actually... and I RULE THIS CITY WITH AN IRON FIST... or stuff... and occasionally go back to other places in Canada... like Ottawa... and while I do not rule Ottawa with an Iron Fist, I do rule the swamp lands outside of Ottawa... I have various friends, who I will refer to by nicknames for two reasons... One, to protect their secret identities... very few people wish to be associated with me... Two, to ammuse me... thats the more important reason... I will make spelling errors, and although there is probably a way to stop that... but I won't, because it annoys some of my friends... and because it lends its own particular charm to my blog... and for your further ammusement...
BEHOLD, A LIST OF THINGS THAT PLEASE ME
- Cats
- The colour Mauve
- Cheese
- Eggs
- Food which invovle cheese and/or eggs
- Annoying my friends
- Paprika (This is here primarily to annoy my friend (see above), whom I shall refer to as... lil'Persia)
- Golf Shirts
- History
- Philosophy
- Politics
- Joe Clark
- Being the worlds only Western French Canadian Nationalist
- XBox... mmmmm, Halo
- Things that begin with 'Bri'
- The word Socred and Wacky Bennet
- The company of good friends, love, tears, blah blah blah
- Did I mention Cheese?
- Costco Runs with my friend, whom I shall refer to as... The Wicked Witch of the North (WWoN)

hmmm, did that ammuse you? No! Well screw it, it ammused me... and thats all I care about
MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA